imagines ~ billie eilish

i thought about killing you

omniscient

"today i seriously thought about killing you" she peered over at you for the first time today, you had a startled look on your face.

"i contemplate it, premeditated murder" billie slumped back into the chair and eyed you sitting across from her. you were scared and it egged her on even more,

"and i think about killing myself and i love myself way more than i love you, so" billie shrugged her shoulders, never breaking eye contact

"this is why youre here, billie. you need help" you finally spoke up, a wave of concern washed upon your face as you stared at the girl you once loved and cherished.

"today i thought about killing you," billie repeated, taking in mind nothing of what you had just said.

"premeditated murder. you'd only care enough to kill somebody you love" billie stared into the chipped piece of the oak floorboard beneath her.

you were speechless.

"the most beautiful thoughts are always besides the darkest. just say it out loud to see how it feels" her eyes caught yours again, her eyebrow raised, waiting for your response.

"-people say, dont say this, dont say that, just say it out loud, just see how it feels" she cut you off before you had the chance to say something, anything.

"weigh all the options, nothing's off the table" she smirked.

you didn't know how to respond...how to even approach this side of her.

she kept on repeating how she felt like killing you today, saying it was premeditated murder and how she loved herself more than you,

selfish, but understandable. you were the reason shes in here, but she wouldve killed you if you didnt send her here.

the situation is pretty bitter sweet.

"i think this is the part where im supposed to say something good to compensate it, so it doesn't come off..bad" she chuckled lowly,

"but sometimes i think really bad things. really, really, really bad things,"

"and i love myself way more than i love you-"

no need to rub it in, billie.

"see if i was trying to relate it to more people i'd probably say im struggling with loving myself because that seems like a common thing, but thats not the case here, i love myself way more than i love you, and i think about killing myself"

"so best believe i thought about killing you today" her expression was unreadable to you, she sounded excited about telling you this news...way too excited.

"when i got here and they locked me up, away from everyone else, i screamed so loud, i had no lungs. i hurt so bad and i went numb. nodody could hear me. i was all alone. look at what youve done to me"
she shook her arms in the straitjacket, the buckles clanking together, she also shook her ankles, which were paired with a set of fetters; an angry tear escaping her eye and cascading down her drained face.

"remember the time where we first kissed at the bar" she smiled, completely changing the subject and her emotion like nothing just happened

"i remember that"

"yeah, i could taste coke on your tongue"

"wha-"

"now i dont care about the coke but i saw you kissing that guy. i dont remember his name because i dont care about the people i kill" she cut you off again, starting to rile herself up

"you know that was a mistake billie" you had to let out, it wasnt, you cheated.

"what? you cheating or me killing him? because you know the state he was in when i was done with him. apparently, his relatives couldn't identify him. he was an ugly bastard anyways. i would've respected you if you cheated on someone hotter than me, but there isnt anyone. too bad i had to kill him, right?"

"its gonna be okay" you had to reassure her, you were really scared being around her right now, she was intimidating you.

she could feel the timidicy coming off of you and she liked it.

oh how she loved it dearly.

"ITS NOT OKAY" she yelled and attempted to thrash her arms around, trying to hit something, or someone.

"this place is driving me insane, baby. i dont know what to do" she looked up at you, pleading for some kind of help.

"youre safe in here" you said

hearing that made her kick the table into your stomach and you whined in pain.

"no. someone said i fucking raped them, people think im a sicko now" she said

"you are. youre sicko billie" you finally stood up for yourself.

"IM NOT" she stared yelling profanities and attempting to kick the guards that have now held her back, she tried to fight back, but it was no use.

she thought about killing you.

and she thought about killing many others.

and its okay,

because she hasnt killed you,

yet.