The Billionaire's Nanny

The break up

I stiffened immediately as the words left his mouth. My eyes darted for a second hoping I would see her. Maybe he had seen her, maybe it was really not what my mind was thinking, maybe I had started to hear things or my tired brain had started to mix things up.

"Fuck, Sarah,"

The words rang heavily in my head, and without even knowing it, I cried much harder than before. Lucas realized too really late what he had said, I could tell that from the way he also froze. His hands were still holding my cheek and his lips were still only an inch away, but the deed had been done. The deed had been fucking done.

"You called me by her name," I whispered because that was all I had the strength to do, whisper the heavy words.

"What?"

"You just called me Sarah," I pushed him away with enough force to make him stagger back as he watched me in surprise, and I could not tell that was more out of his words or my actions.

"God, what have I been doing?" I raked my hand through my hair, as my tears flowed uncontrollably. "I cannot believe I deluded myself into believing you were actually seeing me, that you were really with me for one minute."

"Don't say that Muffin," he reached a hand out to hold me, but I jerked back, shifting as far away from him as I could possibly be.

"It was her all along," I chewed on my tongue so hard it almost burst open but that pain was not nearly compared to the pain weighing on my heart. "When you kissed me, it was her you saw..."

"No...God No..." he tried to explain, but I had taken more explanation than I needed.

"When you told me you wanted me, it was really her you wanted," I yanked my hand in my hair and threw my head back, but that only made fresh tears build, "When you fucked me, it was her right?"

He stalked closer again, attempting to hold me again, with a pained expression on his face, "Just give me a second to speak Chris," he pleaded.

"Well I should not be nearly surprised," I forced a laugh, but only ended up sobbing, "we have the same face, so why not replace us for each other, you forgot one thing though. I have emotions, we have emotions," I yelled the last part, "emotions that you cannot just toy with to help you get over your ex-wife, and you are not fucking allowed to hurt me the way you have been hurting me this last week, you are not!"

"Fuck Chris would please calm down," he yelled back, running a palm over his face roughly, tension rippling through his beautiful features. "I do not know where that came from but I promise Chris, I really did not mean to do that. God, I got over her a long time ago."

"Is that why you have a room, no," I held a finger up, "a shrine to commemorate her?" his shock only deepened as I spoke, "that's right, I went there Lucas."

My mind flashed with the bitter memory of everything I had seen inside. Thick dust covered the furniture, and heavy cobwebs hung so low from the ceiling that I had to take a rod to clear them up before walking through.

There was a bed, unmade, with the sheets ruffled and female clothes scattered all over the bed, it was not hard to tell whose. On the nightstand, there was an unused packet of cigarettes, with a single half-used one and a lighter lingering nearby. On the wall hung hundreds of pictures, and I wiped the dust off a few of them with my thumb. They were all hers, theirs.

It was once their room, their sanctuary. And you invaded it.

Memories of what they had before they separated from each other. The pictures portrayed their perfect life, her perfect life. And Lilian was not lying when she said the woman was beautiful. We had a strong resemblance, but anyone would see that she was not me.