𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐭 || post endgame

Lying Master 101

PETER PARKER: guys help I need a good lie to explain why I missed school today

TONY STARK: Ohh Peter you suck at lying..

PETER PARKER: wh- no I don't

STEVE ROGERS: oh really? Let me ask you something

PETER PARKER: uh ok

STEVE ROGERS: yesterday, at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone.

STEVE ROGERS: who took it

PETER PARKER: uh

PETER PARKER: somebody opened the door to the coffee house...and

PETER PARKER: a raccoon came running in

TONY STARK: 👁 👄 👁

PETER PARKER: and he went straight for the muffin, and I said

PETER PARKER: hEy! Don't eat that! That's Steve's!

STEVE ROGERS: uh huh..

PETER PARKER: and he said:.

PETER PARKER: uhm

PETER PARKER: he said peter you stink at lying

STEVE ROGERS: 😑

PETER PARKER: WHAT AM I GONNA DO I CANT LIE

TONY STARK: don't worry kid, we'll come up with a good lie

BUCKY BARNES: the dog ate your homework

PETER PARKER: ....?

BUCKY BARNES: ..and...THEN... he threw it back up all over your brand new carpet you just got your mom for Mother's Day

PETER PARKER: what..mothers day was 5 months ago

BUCKY BARNES: and you didn't want your mom to get upset about her carpet, so you tried to clean it, but Loki gave you another cleaning tip that ended up failing, so you made the mess worse, and ended up accidentally getting bleach in your hair, so you had to wash that out, then it left a blonde part

PETER PARKER: wtf is going on inside your head. I DONT EVEN HAVE A MOM, SHES DEAD

BUCKY BARNES: so, since it's blonde, you go to the hairdresser to get it dyed brown again. And by that time school was over

TONY STARK: blink blink

PETER PARKER: yea I think I'll just ask Tony..thanks Mr. Barnes..

TONY STARK: don't worry kid, I'll talk to your teacher. What's her name?

PETER PARKER: Ms.. uh Johnson.

TONY STARK: alr I gotchu

NATASHA ROMANOFF: hey, Loki

LOKI: hmm?

NATASHA ROMANOFF: how much money would it take for you to kill someone?

LOKI: mmmm..

LOKI: 20 bucks

PETER PARKER: yOu WoULd kILL soMeOnE fOr 20 dOLLarS?!

LOKI: yes id kill a guy for that

LOKI: you got 20 bucks on you?

NATASHA ROMANOFF: of course i do

LOKI: perfect. Who am I killing?

PETER PARKER: WH-

STEVE ROGERS: we're not giving you 20 dollars to kill someone..

LOKI: fine, I'll do it for 10

PETER PARKER: BRO-

LOKI: I'll do 2 for 20

STEVE ROGERS: it's not about the money..

NATASHA ROMANOFF: we're not asking you to kill anyone!

LOKI: how bout 5

STEVE ROGERS: what's wrong with you..

LOKI: I just wanna kill a guy

PETER PARKER: 👀

SHURI: where's the nearest insane asylum? We need to throw this man in there

PETER PARKER: ima go dial 911 on the microwave