Innocent Remus

Part Five

"We need to talk."

Remus stood there, stoic with pinched eyebrows and narrowed eyes, clenched fists and looking completely unlike the Remus you're used to.

He doesn't wait for you to move out of the way before he's coming in the room, brushing past your shoulder a little harder than he intended to. He almost looks back to say he's sorry but he doesn't want to interrupt his momentum - he's finally found the confidence to do this and he can't back out now.

You shut the door softly, sock-clad feet padding on the floor to stand in front of him. You've never seen him like this - fierce determination from something fueling him that you're not sure of. He never comes this early, and with the aura he gives off you're nervous about what he has to say. The only thing you hear is the thump of your heart and the ticking of the clock on the wall. You don't speak.

Remus looks at you and he can tell you just got out of the shower; your body is covered in a robe and he can smell the lavender from your shampoo. It invades his senses - he'll never be able to look at the stupid plant again without thinking about you. He takes a deep breath, opens his mouth to tell you the words he should've said before your first kiss.

"I can't do this anymore," He starts. Your breath catches in your throat and your arms wrap around your body, hugging yourself as if it'll help the dread filling your chest.

"Okay," You say, voice quiet because you know it'll crack otherwise. You want to know what happened - why seemingly overnight he decided that he was done with you - so you open your mouth to speak once more. "Can I ask why?"

"Because I -" He pauses, thinking of a way to say it without actually saying it. "I want more. More than I think you're willing to give me." He exhales, a loud puff of air through his lips.

"What?"

"I know that this," He waves his hands around, looking pointedly at your bed, "is probably all that you want from me, but I can't do that anymore."

"Why," You gulp, arms tightening around yourself, "Why do you think that I only want that from you?"

"Why? Because that's all we ever do." He's getting frustrated. Why can't he just spit the words out? He wants to just yell, Because I'm in love with you! But he doesn't.

"Because you never said it was anything different!" You shout. Your eyes avert to your feet - scarlet red socks picking at the hardwood floor as you try to calm your breathing. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

"Yeah, well. I'm telling you now." He winces, he didn't mean for it to come out that harsh.

Neither of you speak for a long time and Remus makes way to leave, almost telling you to forget everything he said. He has a sick satisfaction in his chest from finally being able to let this go, but it's overpowered by the overwhelming tightness of grief from losing you.

He makes it to the door and his hand touches the knob when he hears you speak.

"That's not all I want from you," You say, eyes still on the floor.

"What?" He turns back towards you; he can't see your face because your body is still turned the other way.

"I want what you want." You face him now, arms pressed tightly to your chest because your heart feels like it'll beat out of it.

"Which is?" His voice is low; he's barely breathing because he doesn't want to miss what you say next.

"You. Us." You gesture between the two of you. "All of it. Not just in here." You look towards your bed.