"just friends"

welcome to the panic room

a/n- update! pog! its a miracle! ok ok story time

TW// panic attack, anxiety

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"This is it! I'm so so close to finally getting certified as an actual lifeguard! Two more days...today and tomorrow and then I'll be done!" mya said out loud to herself as she walked to work on Thursday.

It had been a long week and they were so ready for the weekend, but she really wanted to get this certification that she'd been longing to get for close to ten years.

*time skip*

"alright mya its next you're gonna do the barrel roll and bring liv to the wall" her boss, leah, instructed her.

Last time I did barrel rolls she made me redo it 7 times to get it right mya thought, her stomach beginning to turn in knots.

I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't. I can't, there's no way. Mya started to panic. What if I pass out? What if she makes me do it more and more? What if I never get this right and I fail? Oh god I'm already such a failure, I can't do this I just can't.

They finally get their breath steady enough to say, "I really don't feel good," which wasn't a lie, she really felt terrible. "I need to go to the bathroom," she says with as steady of voice as she can.

"ok that's fine. do what you need to to feel better," leah says, reassuring her a little bit, although not much.

She walks as fast as she can to the restroom without getting in trouble for running on the pool deck.

What do I do? I can't do this. I'll fail. I'm going to fail the test. I can't get this right.

mya goes into the last stall in the bathroom, hits her back on the wall and slides down to sit. She hugs her knees as she begins to sob. The room gets blurry though the tears and their lungs begin to ache and her throat feels like it's being ripped to shreds.

One minute goes by. Then two. Then three. The ringing in her ears quiets a little and her hearing begins to come back. She hears the music from the speakers. Oh my goodness. Heatwaves. Practically the theme song of her fandom.

She laughs a little as she begins to sing along as much as she can.

"late nights in the middle of june... heatwaves been fakin me out... cant make you happier now..." she sang along as she made her way back in the pool area.

I hope she's ok with me stopping right now because I can't do any more today.

"how're you doing? Any better or should we just pause till you're completely better?"

"eh im not really much better. could we pause till I am?" mya says, a little hesitantly.

"sure. We'll pick it back up next week. In the meantime how about you rest up before classes at 5," Leah agrees.

"thanks" mya states, walking away.

She gets her clothes and towel and heads back to the locker room.

"Just had a panic attack" she texts mac, who responds almost instantly.

"omg are you ok? Wait that's a stupid question ofc you're not ok.. are you better than before?"

"not really lol"

"awe im sorry do you wanna talk about it? Im sorry you feel like shit"

"I wanna finish my stuff. Im so close to being done with it. Im so close to finally being able to do my dream job." Mya starts crying again.

I just wanna be done with this. But I cant quit bc if I quit then im a failure and im already a failure I cant be more of one.

"and being close is fine. You'll make it someday. But first you need to take care of yourself." Mac says, attempting to calm mya down at least a little.

Mya smiles a bit. I should tell her about Heatwaves on the radio.

"guess what started playing on the radio and got me out of my panic attack"

"was it heatwaves?"

"yep"

"loll I've never heard heatwaves on the radio"

"I didn't either but I was in the toilet stall crying and I took a breath and all of a sudden I heard 'late nights in the middle of juneeeee'" mya laughs faintly at the somewhat embarrassing memory.

"omg. But youre better now?"

"not by much" mya states truthfully

"deep breaths, you'll be ok. Ily and don't ever forget that. Everything will be ok. You have forever time in the world to take care of what you need to, forever can spare 8 mins. Calm down, everything will be ok." Mac writes a whole paragraph in hopes that something in its contents will be enough to help mya feel better.

Mya breathes a small sigh of relief "well I have an hour and 10 mins till the lessons im supposed to teach starts."

"there you go. An hour and ten minutes. Go drink some water and breathe. Youll be ok."

"so much is going on" mya said, starting to tear up again. "I wanna pause it. I wanna pause life. Let me catch up"

"its okay, take all the time you want. I love you, take care of yourself<3" Mac replies, trying to keep mya's spirits up

"why did I agree to do this? Why did I want to do this?"

"because its something you enjoy"

"everything is happening at once and I cant keep up" mya admits

"then take some time to catch up. You have all the time in the world to do so. Youll be okay I promise"

"I wanna be ok"

mya puts her head down on her arm resting on the table while waiting for mac to reply

"and you will be" mac finally replies after what seems like forever but was actually only about two minutes

"its been so long"

"youll be there soon. We can go together"

"take me home" mya starts crying again. I wanna be able to feel at home and safe again because right now I feel so far away from any home at all.

"I will."

Mya looks at the clock. 4:10. Fifty minutes till class starts and like forty till I need to get ready.

"mya im not gonna lie to you, youre probably the best friend ive ever had ever"

Here come the tears once again. God I just wanna be able to teach tonight.

The fifty minutes go by and class starts, while mya pretty much goes on auto-pilot for the rest of the night.

What a day. Im ready for bed. Mya heads home and practically jogs up to her room and is sleeping within minutes. 

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a/n another part! sorry it took so long