...We're Dads. (NAMJIN)

f

namjoon pov

i tiredly walk to my office

i'm not upset that the boys are here i'm just not ready for one of yoongis breakdowns

i reach the door and with a sigh i open it

"appa!" jungkook yells running to me

"oh hi my love! how was school today?"

"i don't even remember." he shrugged

"jungkook-"

"can we go home now?" jimin asked

"hi to you too." i sighed

he came and hugged me i kissed the other two boys surprisingly yoongi wasn't moody

in an instant we were on our way to get taehyung

i drove carefully down the lonely road

it was quiet in the car but jins old playlist filled the void

seokjin

i tensed feeling the knot in my stomach

i miss him

it's unbearable at times but i keep pushing so he can be proud of our family when he wakes up

beas house came into sight

i sighed thinking of her baby and how seokjin would have loved to be here to see beas pregnancy

seokjin

gripping the wheel i pulled into the driveway

"i'm gonna go get your brother be good and stay in the car."

they all nodded

i walked into the quiet home to see bea rocking taehyung

"tarjei told you? bad day." she whispered after catching my eye

i frowned "yea...just physically or-?"

"mentally." she said kissing his head going towards the other boys probably to get them out of the car

taehyung has his moments

some days he is full of life and others he's screaming remembering the accident

i sat slowly taking in taehyungs state

his body was tense and his eyes were squeezed shut

"taehyung it's-"

"i know." he snapped eyes still closed

"taehyung i heard you refused to take your medicine today? and that you made yourself throw up? and cussed out a kid from group?"

he sat eyes closed, tense. 

"what has gotten into you? you know better than this."

silence.

"i didn't raise you to be-"

"a fuck up?" he spat

i breathed out trying not to show any emotion

"taehyung that's what i'm talking about! you're too young to be saying stuff like that!"

silence.

"is this the example you wanna set for jimin and jungkook?"

silence.

"fine don't answer, but i want you to take into consideration how daddy would feel if he saw the way you were acting-"

a low cry left his lips.

"daddy-"

"dont." he spat wiping his face

he started to shake like he was in pain?

"taehyung tell me what's wrong i just wanna help you-"

"...it's hot appa and i can't breathe." he gritted out trying to take his nasal cannula off

"no no leave it, leave it taehyung!"

"i wanna breathe!" he cried

"taehyung you can't-"

"dont say i can't! i can!  i can!" he said eyes snapping open

blood shot and puffy

"baby that's-"

"i'm not broken! not anymore! i just wanna be better!" he screamed still wresting with me over his nasal cannula

"taehyung i know you're not-"

"daddy would understand! you don't!" he cried

"taehyung-"

"because you did this to me! you broke me!"

i froze

"you ruined everything!" he cried loudly shaking uncontrollably

i sat my blood running cold

"i just wanna go back to before daddy was gone! when he was still alive!" he screamed

i looked upon my sons pained expression.

"you did this to me...you did this.." he whispered crying so so hard

"tae..i-i'm so s-sorry-"

"i j-just want daddy back-" he cried eyes growing heavy

i hurriedly held him as his body went limp and he passed out from all the emotions

i cried.

i weeped.

i sobbed.

i cursed myself.

i called out to god.

i did it all holding my son.

the boy i ruined.

the strong baby who beat the odds.

my taehyung.