Looking Back is Blinding

Fear

Illogical Fear is deceptive, it gives you the illusion that you have no other choice.
Fear without a reason could sometimes do more harm than good.
Once you let fear in, you've become a puppet to grey consequences.

As I neared the cries of my brother, I came upon a withered sign.
"The Archives of Joy" It read.
Weird. Why would I store all my happy memories in one place. What caught me off more was that Leo and I were in a happy memory not so long ago. There was no mention of any archives.
Something didn't seem right and I just couldn't put my finger on it yet.

I didn't linger on the thought for long though. My brother's cries brought me back. I swiftly headed into the archives, my dagger in hand, ready for an ambush. Fear was not gone just yet.

The Archives looked exactly like how any archives would look. Shelves upon shelves of memories. Each neatly placed, arranged by dates with a label writing the name of the memory.
The archives seemed endless. But I knew that there was an end to them. My memories aren't infinite after all.
I headed into the left wing, following the cries.
"Omar!" I yelled.
No response.
"Omar! (Ana Hena) I'm here"
No answer.

As I got closer, the cries got louder. But looking in between the shelves, there was no sign of him. I reached the aisle the cries came from, but instead of finding my brother, I found a memory film. Unlike the ones that shined brightly back when I was with Sal, this one was grey and faded.

I hesitated at first, but seeing that I had no other option, I headed in..

---------------

This memory wasn't one I recognized. It was set on an empty plain. There was nothing. Or at least that was the case at first.
Omar laid on the floor, crying as blood dripped on his face.
This wasn't my brother... This was my past.

At first, five shades came into view.
It was my family. My parents and three brothers. Their faces were unintelligible at first, but as I got closer, my heart dropped and shattered.
They all wore one grim expression. Disappointment and sorrow.
I knew this was all in the past, but it still hurt.
"This is what you're fighting to return to" Fear hissed.
"How would you think your parents would react after their eldest son had gone missing for over a week now. Their eldest has run away"
More shades came into view from all over the horizon.
"And what of the rest. Your close relatives, your friends."
Fear didn't need to even show me the faces. I knew what I was in for.
"Your future lover. If even you got to have a chance" he smirked

The fog encircled me once again as Fear's whispers rang and echoed.
"Who would accept a failure like you? Who would forgive you anymore after all that you've done?"

My heart sank.
Fear's claws sank into my left leg, cutting it deep.
I yelped before falling onto the ground.
Fear placed his claw on my skull, and memories flooded in.

"I hate you" I screamed as I pushed my youngest brother down the stairwell.. His skull was cracked that day, and he feared me ever since.

I was sat in my homeroom, a "C" in red, written over all my final exams. The year my parents invested the most into getting me to succeed. Putting all their trust in me.

The time I ran away from school after being told there was a test on a subject we never studied.

The many times I failed to be the role model and leader responsible for my brothers. Leading them to become more of the horrid person that I was.
.

The time I said something stupid in the school auditorium, and everyone laughed.

That was just a few of the memories that surfaced into my consciousness. Fear was right.
The best solution was to hide. To never come back.
To never exist. Then everyone will be spared. Then I will be spared. No Sal, no mistakes. No mistakes, no more pain.

"Unlike you, I have manners." He cackled
"I don't have to repress monsters. Because simply I don't have any. However, as your jail keeper, I'll lock you up here" he grinned

"I won't try to kill you. And you can stay here for as long as you want. Protecting everyone from you" He laughed before vanishing.

Leaving me all by myself, while everyone I knew stared into my soul, disappointment on their faces as I bled from my leg, unable to do anything.

I was a lost cause. Perhaps that was the best scenario for me.