Red Eye

Part Twenty-Four

His eyes are still as red as the first time I saw them. There's still that rage burning inside him. Looking down at me, I know he recognizes me too. That same defiant grunt pushes its way out of his lips. I escaped him once. He won't let me do it again.

Since our first encounter, that moment of chaos triggered a constant fight-or-flight struggle within me. The months leading up to now had me convinced that no matter what I did, whatever attempts I made to stick it out would only lead me closer to my death. This entire fucked-up mess brought me to such a low that mere minutes ago, I'd been ready to pop an apple in my mouth and serve my sorry ass on a shiny platter. I had been ready to die. 

But now, being face to face with the monster that trapped me in this hellhole, something demands that I also confront the demons inside myself before I meet my end. A surge of anger warms itself in me, reminding me of my self-loathing, my cowardice. I had hidden myself away during the attack. I had ignored the helpless cries of innocent strangers. I had buried the bodies of the young barista, the mother and her children whose lives had barely even begun and all the others, with no intention of avenging them. I had listened to my own mother die at the hands of my infected father only to feel ashamed by the sense of relief it brought me. 

The Red-Eyes had taken everything from me- my sanity, my humanity, my will to live. But the fault never fully belonged to them. I had been reluctant to take the blame long before all of this started. And now I have a second chance... to make amends, to right all of my wrongs, to save myself from becoming a monster like them.  

Gripping the broom handle tightly, the stainless steel cold against my skin, I stand up from my chair and brace myself for what's about to happen. The Alpha tilts his head in what must be surprise at my movements. No longer am I the terror-stricken weakling from before but instead, an unwavering force ready to fight until the bitter end. 

But instead of lunging at me, instead of descending on me like a pack of wild animals, they just stand there. Brief flashes of confusion pass over their faces. Was this not what they were expecting? I tighten my grip on my weapon, just in case they're trying to trick me into lowering my defenses. But nothing. Just empty stares. No one makes a move.

"Come on you fucking cowards! Where's the murderous rage? Where's the primal blood-lust? Where's all that ungodly violence I saw when you tore through this place, when you invaded neighborhoods and shopping malls, when you ripped apart those children? Huh?!"

I shout, I scream. Hoping my words might trigger some response. Still nothing.

"Enough with this bullshit!" the words painfully leaving my dry throat, "Stop playing around, quit the menacing act. For fuck's sake, if you're going to kill me, then do it already!!"

Silence.

"Come on!" I yell, annoyed and disappointed, "This is all you have to offer me? Blank stares, pathetic moans and groans. You are the deadly Red-Eyes that will bring about the end of the human race?! I've watched every single video of your attacks, from across the globe. Memorized every detail, replay each moment every time I close my eyes. You haunt my dreams, fuel my nightmares. I've indulged in every conspiracy theory about you guys, trying to figure out what you are! I've tired myself out trying to figure out if I was going to fight you or let you win."

My legs begin to give out on me and I slump to the ground. Feeling something damp on my face, I wipe my cheek to find I've started to cry. I finally realize what this is. The Red-Eyes didn't come here for a fight, they came here for a confession. Guess I can't take my baggage with me.

I try to swallow, licking my chapped lips, trying to force the truth to come out before I'm too reluctant to say it aloud. 

"Everything was fine before you showed up, everything was normal. We were all ignorant and fully content being that way. It's been easy to blame you for everything going wrong because it makes sense. You get to tear everything apart, you get to destroy lives without repercussions because that's what monsters do. But when humans do it, we have to take responsibility."

I look up at the Alpha who continues to stare down at me, taunting me with those lifeless eyes.

"You notice all the bodies are gone? That's because I had to clean up your mess. I had to do your dirty work and drag them outside... not sure if you and your buddies saw that neat little pile on your way here. I had to wash away all the blood, tidy up the mayhem you left behind. And you would think that would have been hard for me, but it wasn't. I just numbed myself to it all... to that pain, to that trauma."

A bitter taste develops in my mouth as I try to form the next words on my tongue.

"I never wanted to take responsibility. It was easier for me to pretend my parents were terrible people than admit I didn't want to try fixing things between us. I said those awful things, made them feel worthless to justify my own inability to figure out what I needed. My father was only angry because he feared losing the connection we used to have. My mother was only worried because she never wanted to see me unhappy. And even in her last moments when she tried to make amends, tried to apologize... I kept silent. I abandoned them long before you took them away from me and that's my fault! And now any chance, any hope of reconciliation, of us going back to being a happy family has been ripped away because I was selfish. I thought I could make things easier for myself by running away but everything just got harder..."

I'd been quick to throw blame at the world because it was easier to see its flaws than recognize my own. And when the Red-Eyes came, it was only natural to force my anger on them, my uncertainty at them. I became so determined to figure them out rather than focus on myself. I've been running and running, too afraid to stop and look around at the damage I've caused myself and others. I can't keep running anymore, I'm too tired...

"Look at your handiwork, asshole. Look at what you turned me into..."

I say the words, unsure who I'm saying them to. Finally, something flickers in the Alpha's eyes. Something flashes in that scarlet wasteland and he roars with such ferocity that the others howl in response. They've heard my statement, and now they've come to deliver my punishment. 

Gathering what little strength I have, I push myself off the ground and run full-force at him. Gripping the broom handle as tight as I can, I aim for his chest and thrust it forward, hoping to strike a vital organ. But as fast as my attack is, his movements are quicker and he side-steps, the metallic pole grazing his stomach, before his outstretched hand shoots out and gains a vice-like grip around my neck. Raising me up like a sacrificial offering, I claw at his hand, struggling to breathe, choking and coughing with every attempt to release myself. Remembering the screwdriver in my back pocket, I try to reach for it, fingers brushing against the handle as I try to ease it into my palm. Finally able to grip it, I try to work my arm into the perfect stabbing position but as I try to bring it toward the Alpha's neck, he slaps it away with his free hand and my last chance at freedom falls to the ground. Frustrated by my sad attempts to escape, the Alpha's eyes stare into mine with such a cruel intensity that I begin to drown in that swirling, bloody red sea. All I can hear is the sound of my own wheezing as my vision starts to blur. Just as the last glimmer of light begins to fade, suddenly I feel myself drop to the floor. 

I gasp for breath and try to rub away the soreness of my bruising neck. My eyes struggling to regain focus, I shuffle backward, toward the only life-preserver I can find. Pressing my back against the counter, the coldness sends a shockwave down my back.  Waves of anger and nausea take turns ravaging my body as I pathetically try to stand up but everything gives out and I slump to the ground. 

I watch as the Alpha draws in a deep breath, his wide chest rising and falling. The others begin to howl, a cacophony of hollers and moans. The Alpha beats his chest, like a gigantic ape hyping himself up before a fight. This is the moment they've all been waiting for. 

This is it. This is the end. The part of my story I've always feared most. But now, I'm not scared of it anymore. I've said everything I needed to say, the words have finally come out.

I can't stand. I can barely keep my eyes open, can hardly even breathe.

 I've offered up everything that I have and all I have to do is wait for it to be taken.  I just hope my ending is a memorable one. 

With arms outstretched, my final thought as the Alpha rushes toward me is of how much I want to go home.