Oh the world sucks and never lets me catch a breath. You're a fucking cunt and you raised a girl with hits and hurts and made her hurt easy and not at the same time. You drove this baby girl insane and made us into savages and demons, why are we so us ? I wanted to be like the rest of the girls who get to look so flawless and don't have to give a damn about a thing, I can't even afford to be dumb. What . The thing is, my sister is right, she said "you once told me adry, 'you know what ? When a guy says he doesn't know what he's doing to hurt you, even if he's the dumbest motherfucker, he always knows exactly what he is doing. He's the one that knows who wins in the end then, because even if it's not thought out it's the end intention." So duh if a guy is hurting me and he couldn't stop the hits from falling then what am I to do ? Mamas you always knew. I waited too long, I gave you your warning, because I saw it coming.
I just hate that everything has to change and that you want to. Why do you want that ? You were perfect, what are you doing ? I need you to stay strong afterwards cause I get it I understand I guess that you never wanted this and it was never my intention to push anything but how could I if as you say I can't even push myself on a bike huh? I think I'm done here cause I've been telling you to listen and you find your way to not do it, what is wrong with you for real? It's never been me , who the fuck stares at literally every single person they see ? Like come on hurry up you were rushing me and now you're taking your sweet time to stop and look oh vey, this is just insane, men and their shit. Last week my cousin told me "it's tough being a woman, I'm noticing that, are you okay ? Can you tell me if you'll be alright ? Will you promise to call or text me if anything happens? " I remember I read a book once called promise me, that was insane too. So we're driving home after he's done yelling at me like he's possessed for being tired when it's his fault I didn't sleep, we drove all night, I'm sorry sir I'm not no fucking supernatural human. You know what you clearly never gave a fuck I almost passed out there and when that happens I can't fucking breathe, which means I can't talk. What's abuse ? In so many occasions I wind up scared and lost and so completely in a place I didn't expect but a situation so familiar and I think every time a hit has ever landed on my face I remember thinking 'how'd I end up here ?' And my mind plays every situation leading up to the events that land me on the ground. I have been in a car with no belt and my door open contemplating whether it's a good idea or not to just get it all over with and I think it's been too much and I want it to change, drastically. I'm done feeling like the look of fear shows up on my face and I can't get the grip off of another mans hand off my wrist. This happens too often and I want it to change, the pattern has to go. I refuse to be her.
YOU ARE READING
Rough beauty
Non-FictionI haven't rough drafted this, or even thought anything through . This is my fucking story. My thoughts, yeah it's dark, I don't care, and I don't even care if anyone reads it.
