Wolves (English)

Chapter 23

The muscles in my legs start to burn. My heart is beating madly. My breathing jerks and starts rasping unhealthy. I don't care at all. I keep running until I get to the end of the area. I don't have the faintest idea why I know the end is right here. Perhaps because the beautiful bright green forest here ceases to exist and turns into a barren forest. Nothing grows on that side, not even a single shrub. Everything is gray and worn, even the earth. The border between the two completely different areas is marked by a wide sandy path which on my side turns into grass and on the other side continues into the apparently barren soil.

No one will look for me here, so I decide to catch my breath. With a very deep, uncontrolled sigh I flop down on the soft grass. My fast heartbeat is still not muffled, and my throat and muscles ache from running. I haven't been this fanatical in ages. Maybe I should go to the gym with Amy sometime to get in shape.

Then I realize it's not funny at all to think about such things right now. I put my hands in front of my face and try to hold back the rising tears. I don't want to show weakness, even if I'm alone and no one sees me. I manage not to cry, but now the pressure spreads to my throat, making breathing more difficult and requiring me to use my mouth instead of my nose.

How could Finn do this to me? That he killed that poor Warrior is bad enough, even though it was someone who fought with the enemy. And it's not even his fault, so I could have forgiven him. I myself know very well how terrible the influence of the yellow eyes is. But the fact that he hasn't told me about it all this time is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

He certainly didn't dare, the coward. He must have thought that I wouldn't understand, that I would get mad at him, that I would never want to see him again. Somehow I understand that. I mean, if I were to do something like that, I'd rather keep it to myself. Plaguing others with your problems is simply not the nicest thing there is. But this ... this is completely different. Finn hasn't stolen some expensive piece of jewellery from a jewellery store. He has threatened, injured, and even killed other Human-Wolves! Of course I'm furious with him.

And my parents are just as bad as he is. They knew about this all along and just kept it hidden, just like Finn. Yet I cannot deny that I can tolerate it better from them than from my brother.

Why?

Because Finn has always been my role model, I now realize. He was the one I always looked up to. He was the one who took me on an adventure whenever there was something to experience. He was the one who managed to rescue me from any bad situation. We've been best friends all our lives. All our secrets were safe together.

Until now.

Despite telling all about his existence as Shadow, which is already an extraordinary and very big secret in itself, he didn't dare to confess what he really is like. How he's changed since he found out. That he is truly capable of injuring others if necessary. Who did I have in mind all this time? Why the hell did I ever think he was the sweetest boy on Earth, who would never hurt anyone? Even the arm-wrestle competition with Menno didn't seem like a serious challenge to me because it looked so comical. But that was two years ago now. He already knew then that he was different from others. What if it has been in him all along and it has only just now manifested itself?

That thought scares me. If my brother with evil influence from outside is already capable of murder, who knows what he can do without that influence?

Angry, sad and frustrated, I pull a clump of grass out of the ground and start tearing it apart. I don't want to think about it anymore. Not about Finn, not about his actions, not about Erik or Shadows ... just nothing more. It's done. I'm leaving now and never coming back here! Let them all figure it out together!