the bridge - changki

the bridge

spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3kKX7D9sQCfO2A6fB5MfYx?si=96437d778cca4049

songs for this chapter: 
saviour - black veil brides
tonight is the night i die - palaye royale
better off dead - sleeping with sirens

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January 1st, 2022: The first meeting.

"Three, two... one..." The man muttered while staring out into the night sky as the fireworks were launched and the dark space was filled with bright colors that quickly evaporated into nothingness contributing to global warming. "Happy new year." He mumbled, letting out a deep sigh before letting his head drop to just limply hang on his shoulders. 

His eyes met the deep dark and cold waves of the Han River. "More like shitty new year.." he then forced out a small, slightly bitter-sounding, chuckle and closed his eyes for a moment just listening to the loud explosions fading into the night. They were somehow calming in his final moments, drowning out the hostile words stabbing at his heart and head. It would also be the last thing he would be hearing besides his own voice.

But at least you don't have to hear that hideous sound ever again after tonight.

It used to be a sound the young adult enjoyed, the explosions. Now they meant nothing to him, nothing really did. Not the guitar he liked to play nor the tattoo designs he made and once wanted to ink on his sickly pale skin.

What was the point of them if he didn't enjoy them anymore? Maybe he should have sold the guitar and the drawing before tonight? Someone could have gotten some joy out of them if he didn't. Too late now, he had ripped off the rest of the year from the calendar on the wall of his bedroom. 

He had come to the bride because he had hoped seeing the colorful lights would make him feel better. What bullshit, he thought once he had arrived. There was no pulling him out of whatever endless hole he was falling down and now and if something was to do that; it wouldn't be a bunch of pretty colored rockets.

Maybe he just needed someone else since he wasn't going to stop this self-destructive bullshit on his own.

You're hopeless.

He knew he was. He had been since the start of his sad excuse for a life. 

Changkyun shivered slightly as a cold breeze blew past his body and he pulled the thin jacket around himself better. His jacket was in no way or form warm enough for the time of year and no matter how he tried to drown in it he wasn't getting any warmer. 

Not that it mattered to then and there. He'd be dead in a few moments, anyway.

The spectacular light show eventually came to an end and Changkyun felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket mere seconds later. Despite his hands being completely numb due to the cold, he pulled the device out, the bright screen illuminating his face. He was getting a wave of messages from a group chat. His friends had been watching the firework display from another, much better spot.

One that they all used to go to annually.

They had asked him to join again, probably out of pity, but Changkyun had declined the offer by saying he wasn't feeling well. He had gone with them in previous years but since he had set out to end everything that night, he didn't want to face the others out of fear that seeing the familiar people would make him stay longer. And he couldn't stand the thought of staying anymore.

He had tried to stand his head for years on end but there was no chance he could do so forever. Yes, his therapist helped. Even the medication helped. But Changkyun just felt like a waste of air at this point.