Heart As Cold As Ice

20: jack

Alondra's already on the ice when I get there. I don't think I even want to know what time she got up because it's four thirty and I'm early for our usual time. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless to talk to her.

Coop and Dylan yesterday told me how big of an idiot I am and I couldn't even disagree with them.

Al walking in on me and Becca yesterday was pretty much the worst possible timing ever. When I shut my door it must not have latched or some shit like that. I was more preoccupied with other things than making sure my door was actually shut.

In my fucking defense, it was the first time I'd gotten laid in weeks. I can only fuck my hand so much before it gets pathetic. As much as an asshole it might make me, she offered and I thought it'd be a good stress reliever.

How was I supposed to know that Al was going to come over to study when she hasn't spoken to me since she told me to leave her alone? Can't forget the comment about her not being my girlfriend or my problem to fix either.

I mean what the hell?

Those are mixed messages if I'd ever heard of them.

I lace up my skates quickly, making sure they're tight. She's coming around the corner when I step onto the ice and wait for her.

We skate a few laps together as I try to work up the nerve of what I'm going to say because where do I start? Grady, yesterday, me and Al? Is there a me and Al still? Can we go back to before she saw me hooking up with some girl and before she told me more about Grady?

Do I say that it makes me sick to think about how Grady treated her? That I want to hurt him like he hurt her? How he acted towards her the other night to try and scare her? He's a coward. A fucking coward that needs to hit someone half his size to feel good about himself.

I shouldn't have left her side. Peyton said there was nothing I could have done that would have changed the outcome. He would have approached anyway if Al were right next to me and it would have gone even worse. She's probably right.

"I'm sorry for bailing. It wasn't cool of me."

I whip my head to look at her so quickly I almost lose my balance. "You don't need to apologize."

"I do. I pretty much ignored you for four and a half days and you didn't deserve that." Al says, leaving no room for argument. "I was embarrassed and I'm sorry Jack."

"You don't need to be embarrassed. I should have been there for you. I'd also like to clarify that you're not some problem I feel like fixing. I spend time with you because I enjoy being around you."

And I do. The last couple of days drove me crazy because there were so many times where something would happen and my first thought was 'I can't wait to tell Al that.' I love being around her and I want to help protect her like I couldn't protect Momma.

Alondra glides to a short stop. "You can't be there for me every second of every day. I need a friend, not a body guard."

I turn to face her in the middle of the rink. "I don't want to be a body guard for you. I do worry, probably a lot more than I should but it's because I don't want to see you hurt. I was afraid when I got Ruby's text saying some guy was with you."

I was still chatting with Kane about how his season's going and my heart stopped when I read that something was wrong with Al and some guy.

"I'm sorry."

"Please stop apologizing Al. It's not your fault that Grady can't take no for an answer. It's really not."

Her beautiful haunted eyes blink quickly and when I see the tears forming, my stomach drops. I thought seeing her with Grady was terrible, but this is worse. I move closer to her, lifting my hand slowly to brush a falling one away.