She could feel the bitter cold stabbing at her as she sat outside on the cold stone steps of the castle, waiting, prolonging the inevitable that would come with entering those grand doors and accepting that this was where she was. She wasn't wrapped...
The week had gone by quickly and easily, that is until today. Today was Friday and the first meeting of Granger's study group.
Pansy, Daphne, and Draco entered the library fifteen after five. Making them fifteen minutes late. They made their way past Mrs. Pince, and her consistently constipated expression, through the rows of shelved books into the back of the library where the tables and chairs reserved for study and research were tucked away.
"Hermione they're not coming—
"I'm sure they're just running a little late Ron, which is a bit rude, yes, but Daphne told me they would be here," Hermione responded rubbing her temple.
"And if they're not all the better," Ron said. Harry hid a grin and covered his chuckle with a cough. Neville sat next to Hermione unsure of whose side to take.
"Shut it, you too Harry," Hermione spat out with an exasperated sigh, and fixed her friends with a withering glare that would make Merlin himself uneasy. The Gryffindors made out the steps of the approaching Slytherins and quieted. Hermione plastered a smile on her face in an attempt to make Harry and Ron's less-than-pleased demeanor more forgettable.
"Hi, so sorry we're late, Pansy here forgot her books in the common room, and we had to trek all the way back to the tower." Daphne lied. They were late because it took them ten minutes to convince Draco.
"I'm not going, I refuse." He stated again.
"If I'm going, so are you," Pansy said forcefully
"I already live with Scar-head and Gingersnap, I'm not too eager to spend any more of my free time with them."
He hated seeing them. Hermione and Harry, because they reminded him that he was powerless. A feeling Draco Malfoy would never get used to, and certainly didn't want to be reminded of. He hated how Hermione spoke about him at his trial, hated that she was right. That he had refused to identify them not because he couldn't but because there was a sliver of him that needed them to survive. It was a weakness that he refused to accept and devoted weeks to drilling out of his subconscious.
Daphne spoke quietly bringing him back to reality.
"A relationship with the golden trio would surely impress the ministry." Draco glared at her, but slung his bag over his shoulders in defeat, and moved for the door.
"Mhm," Hermione responded with a sympathetic smile. "Well you haven't missed anything, we've just been, er, chatting,"
"That's good, because, I'm in desperate need of help on the Transfiguration assignment, three rolls of parchment?! Has Mcgonnogall lost her mind," she plopped herself down in the seat next to Neville, who moved his books aside making room for her things on the table. "On the first week too," she sighed shifting her gaze downward to the blank pages now sitting on the table.
"I think the powers gone to her head," Neville said letting out a light laugh.
Pansy surveyed the group before tentatively taking a seat next to Harry. She wondered to herself why she'd decided to sit next to him when there was an open seat next to Ron. The last thing she'd said in his regard was the day of the battle. She'd told them to throw him in the dungeons and accept Voldemort's defeat. She'd ribbed Ron throughout the years, mercilessly teasing his flaming red hair, hand-me-down robes, and his mother's plump body. But she had never attempted to offer him up to Voldemort, as a pig to slaughter. Draco pulled out the chair on her right and sat down. She let out a begrudging sigh
"Its actually four, Daph," Pansy reluctantly admitted to her already overwhelmed friend.
"Bloody hell," Daphne groaned taking her head in her hands.
"Just make your lettering bigger, that's what Ron's done since first year," Harry said, earning a hard punch on the arm from Ron. Hermione scoffed disapprovingly but the others laughed, at Harry and Ron's brotherly behavior.
The group dwindled, and by 7:00 they disbanded, leaving the library in opposite directions. The Gryffindors, minus Hermione who stayed in the library, walked towards the great hall, the Slytherins made their way back to the tower. Pansy left the meeting with four rolls of parchment written about the safe way to become an anamagi, and the dangers of attempting the tricky spell without enough forethought.
———————-
Pansy tossed and turned, sleep refusing her once again. But she embraced the insomnia like an old friend. Tugging open her heavy curtains, and swinging her legs over the side of her bed she tip-toed past her sleeping roommates outside of their room, not before tucking a pack of cigarettes and Theo's lighter into the pocket of the jumper that now hung loosely on her frame.
The early September weather greeted her with a cool breeze as she snuck outside from the castle walls, making her way down towards the black lake. As she neared she noticed a shadowed figure sitting, platinum blonde hair illuminated by the moon.
"Couldn't sleep?" She asked as she sat down next to him, drawing her legs in close to her chest.
"Never quite can" he responded, eyes still trained on the rippling water. Pansy retrieved a cigarette and lit it as they sat in peaceful silence.
"You know those things can kill you," Draco said after a while, half joking. He'd often teased Theo for his muggle habit and was unsurprised when Pansy had picked it up.
"There are worse things in the world than death," she responded taking a drag.
"Do you think he's ok Draco?" He paused choosing his words carefully.
"I think his memories of you are the only thing keeping him sane, and I think he's going to bloody kill me if I fuck up this month."
"What did the ministry send you?" Pansy asked him, needing to talk about something else. Diversions and distractions had become the only way she could cope. So that the guilt she felt when thinking about Theo would wash over her instead of fully consuming her.
Draco had received a package that morning. It appeared to be unassuming, from the standard brown wrapping to the thin twine that wound around it. It was the Ministry's emblem embossed on the wax seal that made her nervous, and what she assumed caused Draco to wordlessly tuck the parcel into his book bag.
"A journal, I'm meant to write every day, keep them apprised on my interactions, grades, feelings, and whatever other bullshit they want to pull out of my arse"
"Oh," was all she could say. Pansy pulled on the sleeves of her sweater so they would cover her palms. Tucking her head onto Draco's shoulder he wrapped a protective arm around her.
The two sat like that for a while, the casual puff of smoke trailing from pansy's lips curling and billowing upwards, escaping into the night sky. They embraced the comfort that came from each other's presence. And watched the moon's reflection on the calm waters, felt the cool summer air, and the warmth that emanated from their intertwined bodies.
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