She could feel the bitter cold stabbing at her as she sat outside on the cold stone steps of the castle, waiting, prolonging the inevitable that would come with entering those grand doors and accepting that this was where she was. She wasn't wrapped...
The grass smelled fresh and was decorated with droplets of morning dew. Pansy rose from her sleep, to admire it. She loved the delicate peace that came from the very early morning. It was magical, a time when ordinary things seemed extraordinary. In this sliver of time she had the world, and all the beauty it may offer, to herself. The sky was escaping the dusk as she watched the sunrise, filling the heavens with a deceivingly hopeful golden glow. The body next to her rustled, reminding her she wasn't alone.
Draco lifted his torso slightly, propping himself up on his elbows. He knew Pansy well enough to not speak, knowing it would break the morning spell that entranced her. So instead he reached to her side and lit a cigarette, it was risky to do so now, with the sun illuminating them, but he knew that nothing could go wrong at this time of day. He took a long drag, the tobacco was an acquired taste he would never enjoy, but the buzz that hit after the second or third pull was something he could get used to. As the smoke filled his lungs tingles spread throughout his body and his head ceased to stir. Draco took one last hit before flicking the bud to the ground, the sun had risen, and the golden skies relented to blue.
"Evanesco" Pansy incanted softly, vanishing the remaining evidence of the cigarette.
"Shall we?"Draco asked, head turning back to the castle.
Pansy looked at him and smiled. "I'm going to take a dip," she stood inching closer to the lake, when she reached the sandy edge she tugged off her sweater tossed it to the ground, and waded into the water.
"Pansy what the hell are you doing," he might as well have been yelling into a void.
She was now hip-deep in the murky cold water. Drawing her hands together creating a triangle over her head she dove into the lake, fully submerging herself, fully embracing the cold mysterious entity that enveloped her delicate body. The water was freezing, sending chills down her spine, but she didn't mind the feeling. There were worse things she could feel, and somehow the extremity of the water's temperature allowed her respite from her constantly churning mind. She focused solely on the water, the way it felt between her fingers, the way it lifted her allowing her to float on its surface, the quiet it offered her. At this moment she felt done, she wasn't in pain, she wasn't in fear, she felt nothing. Pansy let free a final breath before slipping below the surface, letting the black lake claim whatever what left in the shell of her body, as its own. As she drifted further beneath the surface she admired the way the sunlight glistened through it, and she imagined she was in a forest, where the dense trees parted and the light shone down creating a spotlight on the mossy grass. She was in a forest, and she was with Theo, he was holding her hand and tugging her bringing her closer to the patch of light. The brightness it offered lit her, and her eyes blinked open, and she wasn't in a forest anymore.
Pansy coughed up water, she was sprawled on the lake's shore. Sand stuck to her skin, she lay there, defeated. As she regained her breath, and her heartbeat returned to normal, she opened her eyes slowly, allowing herself to acclimate to the light. Her eyes blinked into focus the man sitting aside her, who was not Theo. Draco was kneeling at her side, his face twisted and distraught.
"Pansy, what were you doing?" he asked quietly, his voice hoarse, eyes desperate. She lay there silently, unsure of what to tell him, unsure of how to tell him the truth. So she doesn't, because how could she explain that as she wanted to die, how could she tell him that she wanted to leave him with one less person, one more loss?
"Nothing, everything is ok now," she says to him a sad smile painted on her faintly blue lips because she had failed. He shook his head, and bore his eyes into the sand, refusing to look at the wisp of a girl in front of him. She took in his appearance, his thick jumper was sopping wet, and his shoes were still on. Her own appearance was rather haggard, she assumed, her silk pajama set was clinging to her body, her feet bare, her hair a mess of dark locks.
"Let's go inside, ok?" He said, cold grey eyes meeting hers, and just like that, his mask was back in place, the vulnerability shown moments ago, now hidden deep inside.
"ok." she said quietly in response. He stood up, his tall figure shielding her from the sun, casting a shadow around her. She tries to stand but wobbles on shaky legs, reaching out to hold her arm, he rights her. Once she can stand on her own he bends over grasping at something on the bank, shaking off the sand he dresses her in the jumper she'd disregarded earlier.
They walk back to the castle in silence, Pansy slinking behind him. Only when they near the walls does she regain herself.
Head up, shoulders back, Parkinson
The pair are able to make their way back into the eighth-year common room without drawing any attention to themselves.
"Pansy where the hell have you been--" Daphne asks, she was pacing the room when Pansy entered. "-and you're soaking wet, why are you soaking wet!?" the urgency in her friend's voice filled her with guilt.
"I fell in the black lake," she shrugged as nonchalantly as possible, hoping to deescalate the situation and calm Daphne.
"The black lake?" She asked, her disbelief obvious. "How did you fall into the black lake?"
"I just fell, I don't know,"
"Ok, fine," Daphne retorted scoffing. "you just lost your balance and fell into the black lake," she muttered under her breath. Pansy reached out, turning her shoulders so they could face each other.
"I am fine Daphne, everything is ok." It wasn't, nothing was ok, and now she was lying to her best friend. Because as much as honesty used to define the Slytherins relationships, she couldn't be honest. Daphne would worry, and worse she would try to stop her from doing it again. This was for the best.
"Fine, if you say that you're ok then I have to believe you, right?"
"Right"
"Because we're in this together?"
"We are in this together, always," Pansy said, her voice clear as she spoke the meaningless words.
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