We Go Way Back

chapter two

IT'S DAY FOUR post-break up and Ellie is asleep on the bed across from mine. Since that fateful day, New Year's has come and gone, and Ellie convinced me to go to a party with her. I at least got to use the sparkly dress I had bought to use at Will's parents' annual party.

I turned off my alarm clock last night as to not be a nuisance to Ellie, but I woke up even earlier. It's just a few minutes past four-thirty, I feel so tired, but I can't fall asleep again. I wonder if Will is asleep still, or if the guilt is eating him alive, leaving nothing but insomnia. I can't imagine his face for too long though, I don't want to feel anything but anger and disgust for him.

I toss and turn for ten minutes, feeling restless. From time to time, I swear my heart stops to then restart quickly, making up for the lost beats. Eventually, I just get up and hide in the bathroom, as if my anxiety is a tangible object that cannot move through walls.

My phone chirps in my hand. A text from my mom decorates the picture of Will and I on my screen that I still have to change.

Good morning Lila, is everything alright? I'm worried.

My mom texts me every morning religiously, but I haven't replied since I landed in Seattle. Everything has been a mess and I just can't lie to my mom. I couldn't just tell her everything was fine when it wasn't. It's nowhere near close to it. My life is in shambles, and I would like to have everything decently figured out before coming out to my mom with the breaking news. But I guess I won't be able to hide it any longer; her next text makes my heart drop below my stomach.

I'm going to text Will if you don't call me.

It's safe to say I called her two seconds later.

"Hey, mom," I say as cheerfully as I can, but my voice comes out as a pathetic whimper.

"Delilah, sweetheart," she bids worriedly. "What's going on with you? You've been weird since you left, you don't call, you don't answer our texts, your dad is about to get in the car and drive across the country to see you."

I sit down on the floor, falling against the cool wall. "I'm sorry," I sigh. I never meant to leave them so preoccupied and so far away. "I have to tell you something. Things aren't okay right now."

"You and Will broke up."

"How do you now?" I spit out quickly. "Did he call you?"

I hear her chuckling on the other side of the line. "No, but I know you, Lila. You called me as soon as I said I'd talk to Will. Mother's intuition with a little bit of detective work." She's always been very perceptive, which means that I was never able to sneak out of the house because she'd catch me every time. "How are you holding up?"

I know that if I lie, she'll know and call me out, it's useless. "Not too well," I answer, pinching the bridge of my nose. "He cheated on me, Mom."

"He did what?"

"Yeah, and then he kicked me out. I don't know what to do."

"That bastard... I never liked him." I don't know if she's being honest, I thought she liked him a lot, but either way, I'm thankful for her anger. It makes me feel weirdly validated. "Lila, do you want to come home?"

God knows I do. "I can't, I have school and rowing... I just need to get a job and somewhere to live. I've been crashing at a friend's dorm room, but her roommate is coming back in a couple of days, and I have nowhere to go."

My mother is silent for a couple of moments. "I'll transfer you some money, baby."

"You don't have to," I say. Both my parents work in a factory, it's not like there's a ton of money laying around unused. For the first time since I got to Seattle, I regret not picking a university closer to home. I was enticed by UW's rowing scholarship and got whisked away to the other side of the country. When I met Will, I thought the universe was telling me I made the right choice; now, I'm not so sure. "I'll figure something out, you know."