We Go Way Back

chapter sixteen

THE SQUEAKING OF tires fills this tiny, charged space tucked between a column and a Prius, where we're both in silence, looking for answers in the particles of air and dust. Corbin told me we'd talk when we got to his apartment. We're here, in the underground parking lot, and we haven't moved for what feels like an hour.

I've kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs up onto the seat, curling against the door, waiting for a response. My entire body aches under the weight of what might be a soul-crushing conversation. I tried to prepare myself for what he might say during the drive, but I don't think I can. Only those twenty hours replay time after time after time in my mind like a reel, like a movie trailer at the theater.

Corbin and I had sex that summer night and it altered me on a genetical, molecular manner. He changed the very composition of my cells, adding in, along the usual compounds, a little bit of pure, unadulterated stardust.

Our room, in that lakeside cabin, had two twin beds, so we huddled together in mine, wrapped in each other and in bliss. He raked his fingers through my hair, kissed my whole face until I started giggling and then, put his hands on my cheeks and rubbed his nose against mine.

"You have no idea, Lila," he breathed out, offering me another kiss to the lips. "No idea."

I drew patterns on his chest with my fingertip. "Tell me, Core," I pleaded. "Let me know. Let me into that special place." My hand rose from his chest to his head to tap his forehead, hidden under his unruly hair that, under the light of the moon, had acquired the color of silver.

He would've hold me closer if it was possible, but we were flush with each other, so he just squeezed me against him, and I felt that squeeze deep in my soul. In my bone marrow, too. I can't even explain what it did to my heart. "I dreamt of this for so long," he whispered. "Not just sex, but this," he spoke looking down at our tangled bodies, "you and me, Lila."

"You and me," I echoed. I knew a little part of me had always been in love with Corbin, even if platonically at first, under all the grit and all the aggression between us, but right then, I loved him wholly, no questions and no inhibitions. "Our moms will have a heart attack."

"They've been wanting this for fifteen years; I think they'll throw a party." We laughed. After Rory and Miles, they wanted us to get together so badly, but by then, right as my defenses started lowering, their hope did too. Little did they know. "Do you think it will be weird?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't feel weird, now."

"It feels right, doesn't it?" I nodded, taking advantage of the movement to kiss his lips. "That's all that matters."

We spent the night like that, conjecturing futures, making promises, huddled in a little bubble of midnight happiness. The morning came, our parents almost caught us naked in bed, but we managed to go unnoticed, packing and exchanging charged glances. We held hands during the ride to the airport and convinced Everest and Forest to switch seats with us, so we'd be a few rows behind everyone, alone and away from prying eyes.

I let him sit closest to the window, knowing how much he loved to admire the scenery, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his side, where I stayed for the entire two-hour flight.

We walked through security check, through the baggage claim, and as the sun blazed above Philadelphia, I had the certainty that a new day, a new phase had dawned on my life. Until I saw her.

Blonde and beautiful, Mariah ran through the airport into his arms. Corbin's arms. My Corbin. He looked shocked or guilty or both, but he stood there as she introduced herself to the family as Mariah East, Corbin's girlfriend.