warning(s): pstd of sexual assault, auditory hallucinations
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"𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤..."
"My love, I know you don't want to do this... but we need an heir. If we don't try for one right now, we'll never have the chance to make one again."
"Nozel... please stop. I'm not ready-"
"Just listen to me, Y/N. It's the only time we have..."
"But Nozel... I just can't do it."
"If you just listen to me, I won't lay a finger on you in a harmful way... I won't hurt you. You won't hurt anymore. I promise I'll take care-"
"N-Nozel please... just look at the state I'm in... Does it look like I'm mentally stable enough to bear a baby? I won't be able to handle it."
"You're only saying that because I'm on top of you right now, and you don't have the strength to defend yourself against me at this moment. Come on, listen to me darling, you know I'm just doing this for you, for us. Just think about it."
"If I don't even have the strength to defend myself against you, what makes you think I have the strength to carry your child as of right now? Don't you think that's absurd?"
"..."
"N-Nozel-"
"Tch. Such a nuisance..."
"N-No!-"
My eyes snapped open under a millisecond before my brain even let me go through that horrifying memory again. My body is drenched in cold sweat under the sky-like nightgown I wore. The tears that I thought were only from that nightmare of a memory were slipping from my eyes. I blinked rapidly, still trying to process if I was awake, or still in that hell.
I looked around to see that I was still in my sanctuary; my bedroom. The place that made me feel much safer. I was still able to see the fancy paintings that hung on the dark blue and ebony wooden walls. I was still able to see my vanity on the right, and my desk on the left. I was still able to see my bathroom and wardrobe room. That's... relieving.
It's better this way. Much better than what I had to deal with about three months ago, for about sevenyears.
I could still feel my body being drenched in sweat, my face dripping with the tears I shed. It was cold. I could feel my body tremble, like a newborn kitten. Even when I'm all alone, away from him, it's still terrifying, still bone-chilling. I have nothing to clench on to feel safe, to feel as if I'm not being used again.
"What time is it?" I muttered to myself, checking the time on the clock I had on my nightstand. It was 7:25 in the morning. It's a bit late compared to the times I often wake up. I am often woken up from the memories that still haunt me. The memories I wish I could forget. I remember them as if they happened to me just a day ago. Every little detail, everything. It's horrifying. I have been diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and I hate it, I wish I could just forget it all. I wish... I could forget him.
