I'll Be Okay✓

Chapter 10

The noise around me drowns into a background dull quiet noise as my mind take me a trip of memories, memories that drowns me in pleasure and desire. I am a slave of want; a slave of pleasure.

I bite the pencil in my hand like I bit into the sheets at Zayn's house just three days ago. My skin still tingle to this day of what he did to me that day. I can still feel his hands on my  lower back pushing me down; his hands pushing my jet black hair to the side; his breath against my skin.

I bite the pencil harder feeling my core throbbing just remembering that night. I feel as if I learn something knew about my body every time we are together and that night he pushed me to my limit.

I curl my toes in my shoes and press my thighs together shifting in my chair. Whether I was imagining it or not, I can still feel him feeling me from behind, they way he held me place with so much authority.

I always thought I was submissive when it comes to me sexual part but he showed me how to be submissive and give all control.

I remember that I tried to get up when he entered me from behind but he put his hand on my lower back and pushed me back down, I wanted  to turn around and look at him while he penetrated me but he held me in place and thrusted hard.

All I wanted to do at that time what to touch him; feel him under my palm; feel his skin but everything attempt was futile.  He grabbed both my wrists and locked them with his hand on my back; I couldn't get them free but the pleasure intensified ten folds. All I could do was moan his name. 

When eventually he let go of my hands again; I tried again only to be met with the same fate, only this time, he locked them behind my head. He pushed me down thrusting, one hand was on my lower back while the other was on my head holding my hands in place all the while rocking my world.

"Are you listening to me?" He called me several times only to realize I zoned out on Mark and I am not on Zayn's bed but in my office having lunch with Mark.

It is disappointing because right now I would rather be anywhere, even in my head than in his presence.

I clear my throat and put the pencil down. "You were saying?" I ask him politely looking down to hide my red face.

He chuckles charmingly and it catches me off guard, I immediately look up at him and see him smiling. My heart flatter for a moment then clenches painfully. 

Once upon a time I loved that smile and chuckle; my life revolved around it. In a way my life still revolve around him. Again my heart clenches again but this time for a different reason that I can never get rid of him or this mind numbing pain I feel everyday I see him. He is a reminder of how good I had it and how good I could've had it.

"What were you thinking about, you zoned out and you were smiling, all happy like you used to before." Reality knocks me down yet again.

"You mean before you slept with my best friend?" I ask bitterly. 

His face drops and his smile falls fast. He looks down at his food and pick on it not answering. I pick up a plastic fork and pick my food too. 

The silence could be deafening, both of us do not dare breath or speak but Mark decides to change the subject.

"So Mary is coming back from Yale this weekend." He tells me but I do not say anything. I use to get so excited to see his little sister but since the infidelity, everyone took Mark's side even those I thought would take my side.

I had no one in my corner, well not no one if you count Zayn but he does not know anything. Everyone was quick to make excuses for Mark and apologies for him saying a woman has to be strong. I use to want someone who would have told me it is okay not to be strong.