I'll Be Okay✓

Chapter 14

The door slowly opens and like in a world of fairies and warcraft, Zayn appears looking like a dream, as if I'm seeing him for the first time.

I do not care for the dark circles under his eyes or the stubble that's covering his face. To me he looks like a dream.

Suddenly I know exactly what I want to say to him.

An involuntary smile makes its way to my lips but the smile vanish just as quick as it came as I see Zayn's expression. He does not look happy to see me.

"What do you want Riley? How many more times can you crush my spirit?" He says in a defeated voice.

I look down ashamed and riddled with guilt. When I started this, no one was suppose to get hurt. It was suppose to be an escape, a distraction from my life and when the time came I would end it and it would be fine and we would go our separate ways.

It was suppose to be easy but that was just wishful thinking because nothing is ever easy for me.

"I.. um..." I try to say anything but I can not get the words out. I stutter. "Can I come inside?" I ask him and he stands there looking at me with all that hate he now has for me.

I could turn around and leave but I have to tell him how sorry and grateful I am that he talked to me that one afternoon.

Just as I think I am going to have to talk standing at the door way, Zayn moves out of the way and gesture me to come in.

I do not forget to take off my shoes at the door. I smile, just a bit thinking about the shoe rule at this house.

I hear him closing the door and following just a few steps behind me. I begin to sweat just knowing he is behind me.

"The kitchen." He grumbles at me and I do as he says, I walk towards his kitchen and sit in a barstool on the kitchen island.

I fiddle with my fingers trying to find words, the right words to reach him, to tell him how sorry I am and how grateful I am and how happy he has made me.

I can feel him on the other side of the island hovering over me. I know I should not be thinking about this at a time like this I am.

My head is filled with images of me on top of this kitchen island and Zayn's head between my legs.

I try very hard not to let my mind drift to those days but I can not stop. Heat rises to my cheeks. I core aches so I cross my legs but it just seems to make it worse.

I lift my head and meet Zayn's hateful look and immediately I stop and my face falls. He looks as if he wants to yell and call me names so I give him permission. "Alright, say it."

He chuckles darkly. "What do you want me to say? That I'm pissed." He asks then turns around. "Okay, I am. I'm pissed, you lied to me."

I look down once again in shame. "I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Heh, so I've heard." He states dryly referring to me many voicemail.

"But what you have not yet heard is that even if I am sorry, I don't regret it." His faces morph into one of shock. "I am sorry but I do not regret what I did with you. I'm sorry I did not tell you that I am engaged but would you have done what we did if you knew?"

He shakes his head still looking stunned about what I just said to him. "Exactly Zayn and I am sorry I used you for an escape. I really am but I left you voicemails explaining why I did what I did."

His face softens, probably remembering what I said in those voicemails.

I get off the barstool and walk around the kitchen island to where he is then hug him. He does not hug me back but that is okay. I am okay with that.