That Funny Feeling | Bo Burnham x Reader

Chapter 3: The Ring

you hummed contently as you vaccuumed your carpet. you didnt d othis often, but when you did, you made sure to get a deep clean. 

all of a sudden your humming was interrupted by a tiny clinking sound.

"what was that?"  you thought, running to make sure your poor little vacuum was okay. 

you thought that maybe the vacuum pack had gotten too full or you had run over a nail or something. but you were surprised by what you actually found. 

it was a small silver ring. you squinted your eyes as you examined it. you didnt wear rings... who's could it have been? 

but that's when you remembered- bo. when he had made his magical appearance that one faithful day, he had left a small ring in his midst. you had been too shocked on the day of to really care about it, but now it seemed very important. the ring looked expensive. you should return it to bo. you should put that phone number to use. 

and you would.

you quickly ran to your desk and opened a drawer. inside you pulled out a small velvet-covered box. it was where you had kept bo's precious hair. you admired it's beautiful golden chicken color before punching the numbers into your phone and dialing him up.

he answered immediately. as if he had been waiting. 

"bo!" you smiled, "you picked up!" 

"i did."

you looked down at the ring in your hands and thought. 

"bo, bo burnham, benjamin branklin, could you come over to my house? i think you left something over here and i'd like to return it."

you heard some shuffling from over on his end but no response. 

"bo? you there?"

thats when you heard a knock at your window. 

"one second." you called into your phone as you went to check out what had made the strange sound. 

you pulled back your blinds to see bo burnham himself, crouching in the bushes outside of your house. 

"bo? how did you get here?" you asked worriedly.

he laughed, "oh, you silly goose. you're so silly. i've been here the whole time. you said you have something that belongs to me?"

you decided to ignore the statement about him having been in your bushed prior to your knowledge and moved on.

"yes, it looks like a ring? here-" you opened your window and held the ring out for bo to see. 

he reached a little hand out from the bush and quickly took it. he turned it over in his palm as he looked at it closely.

"ah, yes. this is mine." he said finally. 

"what's wrong?" you asked.

his dememor seemed to have changed once he saw the ring. you were a little bit worried. you wondered what had happened. 

"it's just-" he started, but quickly stopped, and threw his head back in anguish, as if it would have just been too painful to finish his sentence. but he persisted on, "this is an engagement ring."

you gasped. 

"y-you're engaged?" you hollered.

bo shook his head sadly. 

"no. not anymore, at least. lo- oh i can't even bare to say her name- she broke up with me. said that i was 'too immature,' whatever the fuck that means. i think that me filling her entire office with orbeez was her last straw. and so she left me." 

a tear trickled down your face at his touching story. you had no idea that him and lorane were going to be wed. well, not anymore. you couldn't even begin to imagine what he was going through emotionally. 

"i;m so sorry, bo. that's horrible." 

he just nodded his head and handed back the ring.

"i don't want this. too many memories. you can keep it, if you'd like. it's made out of pure unicorn cum coated in sterling silver. probably worth something on the black market if you need some extra cash." 

you clasped the ring gently yet firmly in your hand. you would never sell this. you would protect it with your life. it could go in the bo box along with his eyebrow hair. you would start a collection. and you would help bo through this rough breakup. it was the least that you could do, after he- well, he- he hadn't really done anything for you, but you felt like you owed it to him anyway. 

"don't be sad, bo. there's so many beautiful things in the world besides hot milfs and honka honka big boobas. you can't spell 'mommies milk' without 'im' backwards, and do you know what you are, bo?" 

bo shook his head.

"you're a girlboss." you triumphed, "and don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise, okay?"

he weeakly lifted his big watery eyes to meet your gaze. 

"y-you're right." he sniffled, "who needs mommy milkers when you can have a beautiful and free life instead. i'm gonna make the best of what i have. and if that doesn't work then i'll just jump off of my millionaire roof and kill myself but rich-ly." 

you pat his hand. 

"good plan, bud."