Summer Holiday

Chapter 1

Amelie

6:45 am.

My alarm suddenly started to ring in my ears. I startled up from my comfortable bed by the loud noises. My mouth felt dry and disgusting as I quickly hit the snooze button so no one would be woken up. I pushed myself out of bed and stopped for a moment after. I felt a little woozy. Had to be the iron deficiency.

Everyday was the same. I got up, put on some clothes and laid back down till it was time to leave for school. And so it was today. I decided on my blue jeans, which had two large, fringed holes sewn into it. I was wearing a black pair of leggings underneath and a black shirt with long sleeves and collar above. On top i threw a white, unbuttoned blouse with short sleeves.

It wasn't my favorite outfit, but also not the worst. I had been wearing sweatpants and an oversized hoodie for the past few days, but today was last day of school before the summer holidays, so I wanted to dress more special.

I also put on a little bit of black eyeliner and mascara. But that was it. The sun beamed into my face, as I brushed my dirty blonde hair, roughly. Some knots that formed in my hair last night did not come out. So i just tried to hide them behind my unknotted strands. i had cut some kind of curtain bangs a few days before, and today i tried to make them stand out a bit from the rest of my hair.

It actually looked kinda pretty. I put on my mask to see what I'd look like when she saw me. My opinion changed a little after I took off the mask. Nothing new to me. But doesn't everyone feel a bit ugly sometimes? Probably.

my mom came in at about 7:40 am to bring me some breakfast. Oat flakes. She looked really tired, I guess she didn't sleep that much last night either. My sleep schedule is messed up, even if my antidepressant makes me very tired.

I ate breakfast, not having anything in my mind. It was way too early to think. Which meant I also couldn't overthink, an advantage of getting up early.

I played some games on my phone while eating breakfast in my bed. At about 7:55 am I left for school. That day, my mom drove both my brother, John, and me to school. To my surprise I came on time. Actually a little bit early. That is really rare for me, so I was proud.

I still rushed threw the doors of our big school, almost pushing a 5th grader to the ground. Forgetting to say sorry, I continued finding the way to my classroom. Gladly without any other accidents. As I pushed the door to the second first floor open (which is the floor, where my classroom stands), I tried to fix my hair so it'd look more fluffy, cause it always looked to flat and boring. At least my 'curtain bangs' makes it less boring and not like any other girl in my class.

Sometimes I hate being 'different' and sometimes I love it. It always changes. But today it was neither. I felt really insecure and about everything on me. Were my clothes appropriate? Did I put on too much makeup? Do I look ugly?  I hate having these thoughts. I used to get a little bit angry when people talked bad about themselves because I never understood how it felt to be insecure.

But now I do, but don't really talk about it much. I feel bad, because everyone tells me I am so beautiful, talented and that my body is so perfect. I should be grateful but after all this time I don't believe people anymore.

So I headed threw the floor, feeling like everyone is staring at me. I didn't know how to help myself so I just tried to get to my friends as fast as I could. With them, I always felt save. I knew they would always love me. Because they loved me when I was weird and that is something I really appreciate about them. They just don't judge me. Especially Maya. Maya Clayton. 

We talk a lot at the moment. I am literally able to tell her almost everything. The only things I don't tell her are when I have suicide thoughts or my family members argue. I don't want to burden anyone with these kind of problems.