Kindly

Simula

It was a long day after my night shift from the hospital. Exhaustion took control over my tired body. Ang laman lang ng isip ko ay ang higaan na nag aantay sa akin sa condo.

"Hadel! Pwede pahatid? Hehe." Sigaw ni Iya.

Kasama niya ang dalawa pa naming barkada na sila Josi at Vince na gusto din makisabay.

I rolled my eyes at them and gestured to get inside my car. I badly want to take a rest and I know na gusto na din nila na humiga na sa kama.

My thoughts about nursing back when I was still in high school was really dreamy. Never thought na nakakapagod din pala. Well, it would still depend if busy ang hospital.

The car ride was deadly silent. Both my friends were half asleep.

They, each, thanked me for giving them a ride and I just smiled as a response. Nakakapagod ang duty ngayon.

After I parked my car, I sleepily walked towards the elevator to get to my condo unit. Taking a bath after getting to bed was my routine everytime I came home.

My thoughts about going to province clouded my mind. Next day will be the death anniversary of my late grandmother. I need to visit her grave to pay respect.

I really do miss her. Siya na ang nagpalaki sa akin magmula nung nawala sila mama at papa.

I was still 15 years old that time when they wanted us to have a trip on a crew ship that summer but I said na they can have their own time there and date. Hindi na din sila masyado nakakapagbigay ng time sa isa't isa kaya nag offer ako nun na mag stay nalang kila lola while they enjoy their time.

They were grateful to have such an understanding daughter like me as what they told me. Hinatid muna nila ako kila Lola para makasigurado daw sila na safe ako.

All my necessities were packed and neatly organized by both my parents. I was a little spoiled since I am their only child. Mother never had the chance again to give birth due to some complications. She was truly devastated but later carried on.

I was having a great time at my grandmother's house when the news came.

A flash news from the TV about a crew ship. It sank due to some errors that I didn't understand back then in my 15 years old state. The screen then, showed the crew ship which was exactly what my parents showed me when they shared the news that we will be having a family trip. The 'No survivors' was what made me froze.

Mixed emotions washed over my face. Guilt, sadness, loneliness, I don't know. I can't explain. Tears rolled down my cheeks until I broke into a sob.

Then I started to overthink.

What if I joined the trip? Will it change anything?

What if I just told them to spend the summer at grandma's house? Will they agree or be disappointed?

What if I just died with them? Will I be happy?

Thoughts of dying made me more confused. I slapped and pinched myself to stop overthinking because it won't change anything. I have to keep on living. My parents would be more devastated if I died with them too. It will break their heart even more to see their daughter die infront of them.

Lola hugged me as I cried on her chest. She is doing her best to comfort me while fighting the urge to also cry because of me. She also lost a son. It would break her to hear the news too.

The funeral was held after a week mourning. The body of my parents was found and identified then they transported them to us and the company owner of the ship took charges of the funeral.