In This Life or the Next

Two Hundred Years More

Final Remarks of the Caretakers

Entry 8: R-----d G-----d VI, 7th Caretaker

December 28, 2460

Not just anyone can look in the mirror and say, "Idols saved my life."

You'd have to have gone through a lot to be pushed to that extent. It's dark, I know, but for me, nothing could be more true.

When your own family tells you that they're better off without you, at least once a month, every year, from elementary all the way to when you leave for college, with no hint of remorse, it does something to you. It alienates you from the world. Having your own dad threaten to kill you during a few of his drunk outbursts also reinforces that. If your own blood kin refuse to acknowledge you as anything other than a servant good for only chores, then the whole world becomes foreign to you.

Sometimes I felt even lower than a servant; sometimes it felt like I was livestock, being used whenever my 'masters' felt like it and given the illusion of freedom whenever I step outside, all while being kept alive and healthy with my 'master's' "love" and "care."

At that point, anything to escape your family seems like a good option.

Even death.

And to make things worse, as a male, the only advice we ever get is "Shut up and take it" as if we were somebody's plaything.

To get to the point, idols were my escape from my suffering.

Cute girls doing cute things, singing, dancing, ad-libbing for an audience who genuinely loved them.

They brought me more happiness than what my family could ever provide.

Their youthfulness, their displays of innocence, the fun they always seemed to be having, their individual stories, they all did something to put a smile on my face when I had a rope in my hand.

And the songs.

Oh my God the songs.

In a time where all the popular artists only knew how to talk fast or talk about sex, drugs, and sadness, idols gave me music that made me feel young, pure, and hopeful again.

Of course, the 'idols' I'm referring to are almost all Japanese, and because I lived in America, I couldn't understand a lick of what they were saying without consulting an official translation.

But!

Even then I could feel something else through the music. A feeling that didn't need an understanding of their language in order to grasp. Something that transcended language barriers, age barriers, and time.

Heart.

I didn't need an understanding of the Japanese language to feel the emotion the idols put behind their songs. At most, a general idea of what the song was about is already enough to feel all the blood, toil, tears, and sweat the idols put into it.

I must've always cried whenever I got to the really emotional songs.

And you know what? Those songs I cried at weren't even sad songs. More often than not, they were happy songs that either took a look back and appreciated everything that's happened so far, or looked forward and wished for all the best to come our way.

They taught me that it's okay to hold hope for the future. Nothing's set in stone so we should do our very best to live as best as we can. Yesterday is different from today as today is different from tomorrow. Make the most of every moment with whoever you enjoy spending time with, whether it be friends, family, your teddy bear, that piece of lint on your bed. And after everything that's happened, go ahead and appreciate how far you've come.

You're allowed to do that. No one's stopping you.

Once you realize you can think however you want, no matter what your friends, family, associates, or bosses say, you're free.

You get a new lease on life when your mind is not bound by minds that are not your own.

Of course, it only took me four years and a slew of animated girls to help me figure that out.

But you know what?

Life decided to throw me one last cruel joke.

I love idols. After everything they've done for me, there's nothing I wouldn't do for them.

Only I can't.

I missed them by over four hundred years.

Imagine that: I'd finally found someone (or some people) that I was willing to hand over everything for, do anything for, but life decided to crush my hopes and dreams one last time by putting me centuries ahead of their heyday.

You know, I almost ended it all, the day I found out.

But I didn't.

For the last time ever, I stayed my hand from crossing that irreversible line.

And no, it wasn't for my family's sake, or my peers. As far as I could tell, life would've kept going for them regardless of whether I pulled the trigger or not.

No, it was never for them.

Instead, it was for them, the ones that saved me from my darkest place. The ones who gave me my life back.

The ones from an ever-distant, unreachable time, that found their way to me, and showed me the light.

They would never have wanted any of their fans to fall to such a dark place. The last thing they would want is for one of their fans to completely give up. 'Give up' is not a phrase that exists in an idol's vocabulary.

Regardless of who you are or what you've been through, idols will do all they can to show you that giving up is never an option. There is always a better way. ALWAYS.

Girls, for the last time, I want to say, "Thank you."

For everything.

Even after all I've written, it's hard to put into words exactly why you're so special to me, but you all just are.

Heh, now that I think about it, words don't matter, right? After all, you all taught me, with your music, that sometimes, words aren't needed to convey every little thing. Sometimes, you can just feel the emotion.

And. . . wherever you are. . . I hope you can feel mine.

Grandpa, this next bit goes out to you:

Thank you, for introducing me to the world of idols. It's saved me from so much darkness in my life. From the bottom of my heart, I'm glad I was the one you were the closest with.

You were the only true family I had as a child; the rest I could never consider as "family."

As for that 'task' you gave me as a child, don't worry. The legacy still lives on, and I have found my successor.

But, no disrespect to you or our ancestors, but I have found an idol I love more than the Chairman. Nevertheless, I am still dedicated to carrying out my duty to the end.

Now, it should've been made obvious by the fact that this entry is here, but my time is almost at an end.

It could've--should've-- ended a while ago, but I changed my fate with some help.

And I'm glad I did.

I'd like to think that through me, the Kiryu Clan legacy, and the legacy of idols in general, lives on.

After surviving a childhood of unspeakable trauma, I shed the skin of an emotionally dead boy and found a paradise within the myriad-color pixels of a computer screen. And then I went on to do my part in ensuring that the dream of long-gone millions would reach its terminus in about one hundred sixty years.

My life was as turbulent as could be, but. . .

I wouldn't have had it any other way.