The break upper

14-17

Camila's eyes widen, the image of guilt. Her lips press into a thin line and she suddenly looks small. "Yes."

"How?" Lauren rasps, unable to even comprehend all that happened around her while she was blissfully unaware, thinking she was fooling Camila and not the other way around.

"The power of suggestion," Camila shrugs. "From the moment I decided that I wanted you not to tell me the truth, I realised that I also had to give you a way to do so, but without me having to hear directly about it. I started bringing up my voicemail in conversation at random times, very frequently. I would have us watch movies and TV shows where it was a prominent presence. I ingrained it in your mind as an outlet for your frustrations."

This makes Lauren's blood boil. Out of everything Camila has told her, this was the worst. Not because of the lies, but the sheer manipulation behind it. Her jaw clenches, hands ball into fists, lips frown, and her brow is furrowed. "You know how much I suffered that day," she accuses, Camila's desk being the only thing that stops her from reaching for Camila. "You know how it wrecked me, how much I wanted to tell you the truth, how emotionally drained I was after that morning, when you dismissed me and my attempts at coming clean like it was a stupid, mindless whim, because 'oh, Lauren's suddenly grown a conscience'! You manipulated me like I meant nothing to you!" Camila flinches visibly at her words, and Lauren can see the brunette wants to say something, but she doesn't let her. "I poured my heart into that stupid voicemail, hoping, praying that you would get it and understand me and forgive me, it destroyed me just to tell you everything so honestly. I told you I loved you in that voicemail! Do I really mean so little to you that you would pretend not to have gotten it and then have me tell you the truth again?"

"You did not tell me the whole truth," Camila argues, but it's too feeble.

"I did in that fucking voicemail!" Lauren snaps. "I did and you pretended you never got it! Then I just couldn't— I didn't have the energy to do it all again. Call me a coward, Camila, but you're a fucking hypocrite. And yes, I know I am too," she cuts the brunette off right away, "but at least I never dismissed your feelings like they meant nothing to me. I was a fucking wreck, but you acted like nothing happened! Tell me, Camila, do you get off on other people's pain?" she snarls. "Did you touch yourself listening to that voicemail?" Camila's eyes burn with a new intensity, nostrils flaring and jaw closed so tight it might snap. "Did you come on your own fingers when I told you you're my whole life? Or did you have Titus do it for you?"

"Enough!"

Lauren shuts up immediately, taken aback by Camila's growl. She can see tears forming in Camila's eyes, threatening to spill, but she knows Camila won't allow herself such weakness.

"I love you, Lauren! I am so deeply sorry for what I have done, and I don't expect you to forgive me any time soon, but do not act like it was all my fault. We both made mistakes, the same mistakes for that matter. Maybe mine were worse, maybe not, but I will not stand here and let you attack me for things you did too, just because you now feel entitled by my confessions. I would like to see you say those things to your friends," Camila spits.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lauren frowns.

"It means that Jasper and Bellamy are horrible people who fooled you and hurt you and never seem to give you a break, yet you still feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing to hurt them. But me," Camila laughs bitterly. "God help me if I raise my voice or say something you don't like or cook the wrong meal!"

"That's not fair," Lauren grits.

Camila raises her eyebrows, as if daring her to really mean what she just said. "Is it not?" the brunette's voice is now calm, controlled, her outburst long over. "Then how come they get away with torturing you for months, yet I get accused of getting off on your pain for doing half of what they did? In case you haven't registered, Lauren, I never wanted to hurt you. Our relationship was, unfortunately, collateral damage. Bellamy and Jasper? All they wanted was to see you suffer. So tell me, Lauren. Why?"