A Wandering Soul

Drained

Lately I can feel darkness chasing me with a whole new level of pressure. Nothing seems right, nor wrong, sometimes I wonder how I can feel anything at all. Because all those emotions are capturing me in my own head. My heart feels like it's transforming into stone again, only to keep me from completely breaking down.

What do I want? Or isn't it about this at all? Shouldn't it be about what I actually need?
In my life? In my chest?

Damn, my bones are so heavy from the latest walk .. or should I better call it a run?
But from what am I running? My own weaknes? My fear of trusting the universe?
And where will this direction lead me?

From time to time I completely lose my orientation, the little light seems to get more and more blurry, wrapped around by thick fog and all I could focus on is fading right in front of me.
Am I losing myself? Should I get numb and walk all on my own again?
Can I even be good for anybody in this situation? Darkness almost touches my feet.
I'm still running, with all energy left inside my body. 

And I can't deny the thought of just disappearing, deep into the forest, into the gloom.
Like a shadow when sun goes down.
Like.. a quick thought, flying by along the way. Maybe it would be better for everybody around me as I can't recognize myself curently.
So how should they be able to do it? They all want to be there for me but still I'm feeling so alone. Cuz I shut them out.. to protect them from me.

And in the end I know I can't run from my demons.
I know I have to fight them once again.
Since they're gonna find me anyways..

But will I survive this in the end? 
It's the first time in a long while I have to admit that I'm literaly scared of a fight like this.

Because how long can a soldier breathe with a shot through the heart?
A soldier who would die for anybody but himself?