♧One Shots♧ Stray kids ANGST

❤ʙᴀɴɢ ᴄʜᴀɴ⚠️

Did I gain weight?

Main Topics: eating disorder, self hate and what goes with it

You were staring at your reflection in the mirror, seeing the familiar sight.
You've always been unhappy with your body, feeling a little too fat.

You were overweight for basically your whole childhood but growing up you started going on unhealthy diets, falling into a neverending routine.

Before you met your boyfriend 3 years ago, Bang Chan, you used to starve yourself a lot, working out to the point were you almost lost consciousness.

But after you two became a couple, you opened up to him more, since he noticed something was terribly off.

And even though you knew he loved you for just the way you are, the thoughts wouldn't go away.

They've always been there.

So there you were again, standing in your bedroom staring at your body that looked horrible in your eyes.

It was no secret that you gained a little weight, especially after you stopped starving yourself.

You sighed, frowning at your reflection: "Why am I so fat?"

Well that's what you thought, because Chan thought the complete opposite. He loved your stomach, your tighs, your arms, everything.

He loved you.

You didn't even really know why, but you felt the huge urge to to it again. You just felt disgusted with yourself.

Maybe he won't notice if I stop eating. I mean he's so busy with schedule...

You almost ripped the tight shirt off your body with tears forming in your eyes.

You aggressively took off the blue skinny jeans and tossed it to the side, what left you in nothing but your underwear.

At that moment tears were already streaming down your face, making your vision blurry once in a while.

You grabbed onto your belly fat, pulling it in different directions and imagining how you would look like if you'd lost enough weight to have a flat stomach.

You sniffed grabbing your boyfriend's huge black hoodie, that he gave you yesterday and some random grey sweatpants.
You put them on and took one last look into the mirror.

And now you didn't see your fat nor your curves.

You sighed heavily, walking to the living room where Chan was sitting what startled you.

You didn't expect him to be here and you honestly didn't even hear him get in.

He was paying attention to his phone and as you were looking at him you couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

No matter what he was wearing he looked good in it. He was able to wear tight shirts, skinny jeans or whatever and still looked amazing.

"O-Oh, I didn't hear you come in", you stuttered, turning back around to wipe the tears away.

"Baby....why are you turning away from me? Is everything alright?", Chan asked immediantly concerned. You could hear him standing up and walking closer to you.

And then you felt his strong arms wrap around your waist, sending warm shivers down your spine.

"You know you can tell me everything, right?", he asked comfortingly, resting his head on your shoulder.

And that sentence somehow triggered you and you couldn't hold it in anymore.
You let out a loud sob, before quickly turning around, burying your face into his chest.

Chan stumbled back a little but quickly embraced you, rubbing calming circles on your shoulder.

That's one of the things you loved at him, he never showered you with questions. He let you cry it all out before asking you what the matter was.

"D-Did I gain weight? Am I fat?", you cried out looking at his worried face. His eyes softened, gently cupping your cheeks.

"Baby, why would you think that? No you're not fat and you didn't gain weight. You are perfect", he gently wiped the tears away.

"But I did gain weight!", you sniffed, tearing up all over again.

"And what do you want now?", he asked calm, already onto something.

You lowered your head. "I want to lose weight", you mumbled.

"And why?"

"...Because it looks pretty." You didn't dare to look him in the eye.

"And this doesn't look pretty to you?"
His hands traveled to your stomach, softly rubbing it, which sent shivers down your spine.

You shook your head, before he gently lifted your chin.

"I think your beautiful just the way you are. I love you so much, no matter how you look like. You are perfect to me. But if you want to lose weight, we'll do it together and I'll lose as much as you will", he smiled, knowing what that sentence meant.

"B-But you're perfect and that would probably make you underweight-", and suddenly you realized what you were about to fall into again.

A few years ago he said that to hold you back from starving yourself to death.

You were already underweight, but wanted to lose at least 5 more pounds and so Chan said he'll do the same.

And that's when you understood everything.

"Oh my god, Chan. I'm so sorry", you apologized, hugging him tightly.

"Baby, there's nothing to be sorry for. At least you realized what you were putting yourself into again", he replied, placing a soft kiss onto your forehead.

"Now let's cuddle, you just look too adorable and tiny in my hoodie", he giggled happily, before pulling you to the bedroom...

~☆~