touch me and I'll kill you

4

"It appears as if we'll be having a visitor soon," Dazai held up a letter as he stood in front of Chuuya's desk. 

"A what?" Chuuya snapped his head up from resting on his desk. "I get mail?" he stared at the letter, even more surprised. 

"You do..." Dazai stared, confused. "Have you never checked your mail the entire time you've lived here? No wonder it was all eroded away and had water staining..." he shook his head and sighed. 

"I was sent here by my family and I haven't really done much since arriving. I can't really sleep that well and cooking is a hassle. I just wander the woods in my solitude and think about useless things." 

"I think you need to get out more...and by out I mean out of the woods." 

"It's too dangerous for me to go into a heavily populated area!" Chuuya snapped. 

"Master Chuuya," Dazai sighed. "You are your own biggest enemy." 

"Not everyone is so eager to die like you are." Chuuya sat up and crossed his arms. "Why are you here? I want the real reason." 

Dazai stiffened and glanced away. He scratched the side of his cheek and let out a bit of a sigh. "No one likes to confront their fears. Please don't ask me what my fears are." 

"That hardly seems fair. You know more about me than I know about you," Chuuya frowned. 

"Do you want to know more about me?" Dazai smiled slightly. 

"I- no- why do you always twist my words?" Chuuya blushed, forcing his hat down to cover his face. 

"Our visitor is someone that we both know. Although I doubt you remember him. He was quite young when you were a child." 

"A child?" Chuuya pondered. 

"Are you excited to meet with someone, Master Chuuya?" 

"What? No- I'm not..." Chuuya stared at his hands. "No reason to get my hopes up or anything. People only visit me for two reasons." 

"Two?" 

"To ask me to kill someone or to take someone away from me." 

"You've had someone stay with you before me?" Dazai pointed to himself. 

"I've gone through a lot of servants before giving up the process to hire anyone," Chuuya leaned his cheek against his hand and rested his elbow on the desk. "Their family always finds out about where it is that they've gone to work and comes to take them away." 

"Ah," Dazai nodded. He walked over to the side of the desk and hugged Chuuya from the side. "I'll never leave your side, Master Chuuya." 

"Will you get your hands off of me?!" Chuuya didn't fight back because he didn't know if he would accidentally touch Dazai skin-to-skin anywhere." 

"Master Chuuya," Dazai ceased hugging him and Chuuya stared up at his face. In that moment Dazai grabbed the handkerchief in Chuuya's breast pocket and covered Chuuya's mouth before leaning down to kiss him. Chuuya froze. Dazai licked Chuuya's lips through the thin fabric and then pulled away. 

"Y-you-" Chuuya's face turned quite red. "You can't--" he started but steam escaped his ears with how hard his brain was trying to process everything. 

"I know what you're going to say," Dazai put the handkerchief into his pocket. "'Touch me and I'll kill you' right?" he smiled. "But, Master Chuuya," Dazai grabbed the arms of the chair he was sitting in and leaned close to Chuuya's face. "As long as I'm not touching you directly, I can touch you all I want..." he smirked, licking his lips. 

Dazai knelt on the ground, hands still grabbing the arms of the chair, and smiled up at Chuuya with his eyes revealing deadly intent. Chuuya was frozen in place, paralyzed by eye contact and not wanting to move a muscle lest he touch Dazai accidentally. Dazai's hands moved from the chair to Chuuya's knees. He spread Chuuya's legs with his hands and moved them up his inner thighs. 

"W-what're you..." Chuuya forced himself to speak but Dazai placed his hand directly on his crotch. Chuuya let out a small noise similar to that of a squeak and as a reflex attempted to close his legs. Dazai stopped him by leaning forward and resting his lips on the zipper to Chuuya's pants. He stared up at Chuuya and smiled into the fabric. 

"There are still things we can do even if I can't touch you directly, Master Chuuya." 

"S-stop..." 

"But Master..." Dazai moved his hand toward his face and squeezed Chuuya's inner thigh with his face nuzzled against Chuuya's crotch further. "I can feel you getting-" 

"Please..." Chuuya's face contorted in something of a mix of pain and longing. He looked as if he might cry. He reached out his gloved hand to touch Dazai's head but it just hovered above his hair, not even grazing it. "Please stop. I have desires, I'm only human," Chuuya's eyes watered and his cheeks were ever so slightly red. "If you push me too far I'll want to touch you and if I do-" 

"So what if you do?" Dazai moved his head up to make contact with Chuuya's hovering hand. He immediately pulled his hand back, a panicked expression on his face. Chuuya pushed the seat away from Dazai and stood up, backing up into the corner of the room until his back was pressed firmly against the wall. His hands pressed against the wall as if he were trying to become it. 

"You may have no consideration for your life but I do!" Chuuya snapped and moved his hand to his hat, forcing it down to cover his face. "I've killed so many things accidentally. I've gathered so much guilt. It would be so easy for you to touch me because you don't have to deal with the consequences! I do! I would have to think about it. I would have nightmares about it. I've lost a lot of people just from them walking away but touching someone is different. Killing someone is different!" Chuuya's voice cracked and the tears began to pour down his face. 

"Master Chuuya-" 

"Stay back!" Chuuya could hear Dazai moving closer. "Stay away from me!" 

"Master Chuuya." Chuuya could see the feet standing directly in front of him. "Please calm down. I'm not going to touch you." 

"I don't believe you! Stay away!" 

"Master Chuuya," Dazai crouched a bit to look up at Chuuya and make eye contact without the interference of his hat. "I'll tone down my teasing in the future...but just this once...will you let me hug you?" 

Chuuya stared and bit his lower lip. He wanted to cave and say yes. He really would love a hug right now. But he knew if he did he would be addicted. Addicted to the feeling of being in someone's arms. Then the moment Dazai left (as everyone before him eventually did) would be much harder than he could handle. So he shook his head. He refused. And he pointed to the door. 

"Please," he spoke quietly. "Just go." And for the first time and likely the last, Dazai obediently complied.