Sex is a learning, even for shitheads.

Part XII. Walt Disney wouldn't have been so daring.

Part XII. Walt Disney wouldn't have been so daring.

Movies fucking lied to him. You know those scenes where the protagonist woke up next to his beautiful soul mate ? It was a purveyor of dreams, right ? She would be laying on her side, a peaceful smile on her lips, her hair gently waving on the pillow like the sea undulating on the sand, and wake up like a fresh and dewy flower blooming, eyes fluttering open in the cutest way... Well Bakugô was having none of it.

You were all dishevelled, half of your hair tangled over your face, the other trying to conquer your pillow, the sheet struggled between your arms as if you wrestled the shit out of it during the night. Your mouth was slightly agape, a trickle of drool dampening the mattress.

« You're fucking gross, wake up already ! » he yelled, kicking you out of the bed.

The sound you let out when you kissed the ground was just as disgraceful as your general state. Movies fucking lied to you as well. Usually the boyfriend would be a smiling and generous boy, one that would wake you up by whispering sweet nothings into your ear, and then bring you a breakfast in bed with homemade pancakes and the juice of oranges he would have squeezed himself before picking a wild rose at the risk of his hands to bedeck your hair... You sighed.

« How exactly did I fuck up enough to date the dragon instead of the Prince Charming ? » you asked yourself as you painfully stood up, glaring daggers at your stupid boyfriend who was still under the blanket. « You're an ass, » you unaffectedly declared.

« And you're an idiot ! » he shouted back, throwing your phone at you. « The damn thing has been ringing for ten minutes ! It's pill time ! Hurry up, birdbrain ! »

« The Dragon and the Birdbrain... sounds like the new Walt Disney... » you thought, disappearing in the bathroom to take your medication.

You were the one who suggested to change your contraceptive, shortly after what you poetically nicknamed 'The Stuck Condom Accident'. Katsuki easily agreed after you explained him the advantages the pill had compared to condoms. It was safer, simpler, and less expensive too. The only thing it requested was to take it correctly and to have your bloods checked beforehand. The idea of being able to do it raw was also very, very appealing to the both of you.

The only downside was that Bakugô was going a bit overboard with the 'pill should be taken every day at the same time' thing and almost forced the medication down you throat himself as soon as your phone rang, as if it would loose its effectiveness if you were two minutes late. Fucking maniac.

The goddamn pill swallowed, you crawled back into your bed, making yourself comfortable.

« I should set my alarm later next month, it's too damn early, » you thought, yawning.

You were all ready to go back to sleep, but a hand on the curve of your back kept you awake.

« Your Jaws themed week is over, right ? » the dragon groaned in your ear.

« You think you're getting any of this after being so rude to me, Katsuki ? » you said, playfully smacking your butt. « Keep dreaming. Next time you'll think twice before being an ass right in the morning. Who knows, maybe you'll wake me up decently ? Like, with a cute song or something ? »

« Wakey wakey before I burn your body, » he morbidly mused. « Happy now ? »

« No. »

« Hi, hi, sweetie pie. Wake up and then please die. »

« No. »

« Jingle jingle bell. I'll send you straight to hell. »

« Not any better. You and your two blue balls can go choke a cock. You'll see, it's not that bad. »