Kristy Thomas has a Diary ~ The Babysitters Club

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Kristy's Diary - I'm still at MooseHead, but we leave in a couple of days :(

"Dear Diary..." - This is ironic, I, Kristy Thomas, would never actually write that, and I'm rolling my eyes just thinking about it right now.

To be honest, I forgot I brought you here with me, but now that I'm feeling bad, I remembered you, and like she said when you were given to me, you are "a gift, so you can let out everything you might feel, good or bad, all of it" of course, I didnt understand why would I have the need to write the good stuff, I could probably just share that with my friends, but anyway, here I am, writing in this weird notebook...And figuring out why i wouldn't be able to share some stuff that aren't entirely bad.

I'm frustrated... I don't know... for once in my life, I don't know where I stand, I don't have an opinion and that bothers me so much; I've always been strong minded, and I'm losing my temper over the fact that i can't control what my own mind thinks, I'm not conflicted, It's not like i care what people think, and I know she doesn't either, it's just that...I dont know...this is totally all Stacey's fault...I mean, it's not like i hate her or something, she's one of my best friends, it's just... I wish she could keep her mouth shut sometimes... 

Yes I will tell you everything that happened...

Throwback to the day after we took that picture in front of the camp sign...

I was mumbling the words to some song they were playing earlier on the radio that day, when i noticed that i had been kicking a can of coke while i was walking down the loosely traced dirt path, i kept playing with it for a bit, but i knew that i had to throw it in a garbage can or Dawn will be mad at me for killing our "mother home"  or something like that. 

I got to Claudia and Dawn's cabin, where all the girls were gathered, well, all of them except for Dawn and Jessi,  they were out exploring with Karen, Mal was supposed to go instead of Jessi, but she injured her foot, nothing big but she was told to not do much exercise. I'd had gone with them, i really wanted to, but I had promised to teach a kid how to do some tricks with a football in half an hour.

 I opened the door, but they were too deep into their chat, I just walked across the room and sat in the floor next to Claudia.

"I can't believe you had the guts to do that Mary Anne, you are a total romance icon"- In my opinion, Stacey is being obsessive over this kissing boys thing, Mary Anne kissed Logan, so what? its not like they are getting married...don't get me wrong, I'm super happy for her, she has liked him for a while and she seems happy with him, but an "icon" it's too much.

I looked to the other side of the room, Claudia and Stacey still  congratulating Mary Anne, glorifying her because she pressed her lips against some guy's, I wish Dawn was here now, she wasn't as boy crazy as them, well, maybe if she found someone she liked she would turn out to be just as insufferable as them, but that hasn't happened yet, and to be honest, I kind of hope it doesn't... Because I don't want to be completely alone in here!! Don't think anything weird...

"And what about you Kristy? Is there anyone you are interested in?"- I don't know how we got to this point in the conversation, I wasn't paying attention, but now Mallory was waiting for an answer to her question. We  haven't been friends for too long, otherwise she would assume I'm extremely grossed out by the single thought of love like everyone else does.

"Me? No, I'm not interested in boys, they smell bad and are disgusting, and trust me, I would know, I live with three of them...well, now there's six of them...plus the dog, and the dog definitely is cleaner than them." - Everyone laughed, they know it's true, and Mal  seemed  confused but quickly opened her mouth again...

"Oh, so you like girls then? that's totally fine, my favorite character in this book that I'm reading does too! I think it's cool"- Wait...what? 

Claudia eyed Stacey, and she eyed Mary Anne, but Mary Anne looked disoriented, so Stacey went ahead and took the lead, I was not ok with not being able to think for myself in this moment...

"Are you alright Kristy? You know, it's fine if you like girls, where i come from, everyone just loves each other and that's it."

"It's so poetic, I looove love" Claudia added, she held her hands close to her chest while she said it, she was being kind of dramatic...Wait, I have to focus..what did Mallory meant?

"I don't understand, do I like girls like what? I mean...of course I do, I am one, I'm not sexist or anything like that...obviously"- For some reason I could sense that we weren't talking about the same thing, and don't get me wrong, I'm pretty smart, if I can say so myself, but this conversation felt like when you really really want something to happen but you know it's just not possible for it to be...it's not like i wanted to like girls, or for them to talk about this stuff, it's just that... it kind of felt sureal for someone to pair me with those ideas, it's not that i didn't want them to either, it's just that... I don't know, and I hate not knowing.

While I was being a host to my pretty intense inner debate, Claudia and Stace laughed and looked at each other, what were they laughing at? I'm confused and I don't like to be unaware of what's going on...

"Mal means liking gils like how we like boys, Kristy. Like when you like how they look and you want to hold hands and kiss and all of that."- Stacey looked so normal while she said that, she even tried on some sunglasses that Claudia had on her bag at the same time she was asking me that kind of question, as if it was nothing.

"Wait...Are we not supposed to feel like way towards girls too?"- Mary Anne asked...and have you ever seen a polar bear in the jungle? It looks lost, kind of with the same facial expression that M.A has on her face right now.

I had zoned out, I'm unable to form proper thoughts, and if you know me, you would know that it's not often that i'm left speachless...If I'm not supposed to get all of that with girls, does that mean I'm not supposed to feel it with one of my best friends either? 

... And that's were my flashback ends, and now you can guess why I'm writing here again...