Mistaken for Love

Fuck This!

"No!" I wasn't going to give into this bullshit anymore. I crossed my arms and stood my ground, "I am not going to let you treat me like shit. You don't get to talk about me and my life decisions anymore. You might've been my friend, but I am not taking anymore of your toxic shit." I spat the last word and waited for Kelly to move out of my way. 

"Whatever, whore." Kelly's greasy ginger hair, tied in a messy bun, swung almost out of her hair tie as she shoved her shoulder into me as she passed.

I grabbed her wrist and held it tight before she could run away completely, "You don't get to call me that." I pulled her closer to me even as she struggled in my grip to be free, "I could tell everyone all your secrets with all our chats as evidence and all the pictures you've sent me. I have that power. I'm better than you in every way imaginable, but if you give me a reason to, I will not hesitate to stoop as low as you." I let go and watch as Kelly stumbles back, fear apparent on her face. 

Satisfied with her reaction, I turn my back on her and head to class. I'm done with her drama. College is important and this relationship was holding me back. Harming rather than helping.

I sigh as I sit in my seat 10 minutes before class begins. I'm worthy of love and respect. I repeat over and over again, frustrated beyond belief at my wavering emotions. I bite the inside of my cheek and blink away the tears, willing them not to form in my eyes. I ball my fist and suck in my air through clenched teeth. 

"Alright class, how is everyone today?" Unintelligible sounds surround me as everyone murmurs back a response. I shrug my shoulders and continue to let my brain disassociate from my surroundings and get lifted into a day dream.

~~~~

"How was school sweetie?" Ms. Reef asked while humming in the kitchen.

"Tiring, as always." I grumble and slouch onto the couch.

"How are you going to get a job and a future if you're tired all the time? You should keep in mind that life is going to be a lot of work and this is how the world works." Ms. Reef says as she chops up a cucumber.

I grit my teeth as she continues to lecture about how I need to be ready to live on my own towards a strong future. I pet the dog as she comes up to me and tune out the unimportant speech of responsibility that I've heard for the umpteenth time. I nod my head as if I'm listening to Ms. Reef and remind myself, you are a capable adult and you are allowed to complain and feel exhausted after working. 

I take a deep breath in and head to my room to start on the mountain of homework my teachers gave me. It might be going on 6 months with this new family, but they seem to have a lot of underlying toxic tendencies and don't know how to communicate correctly in the household which ends up in a lot of yelling matches. I've lived with enough shit already, can't we just communicate? Can't they just give me a break? 

~~~~

I let my head slip off my wrist and plummet onto the desk. I finally finished all the assignments for my classes and my brain feels like a blob of jello. I look at the clock at its 1:30 AM in the morning and I am starving. With no regrets, I decide to drive to a 24 hour Shop Rite and buy some nibbles to snack on while I watch a movie or maybe binge a few episodes of  one of the 12 series I'm watching.

I grab the keys off the counter and quietly exit the house, making sure not to wake anyone. 7 minutes later, I'm parking the car and rushing in to get something savory and something sweet. Cake and chips sound good enough to me as I see the chocolate swirls on the cake and my favorite kettle cooked brand of chips. 

"Is that all?" The cashier asked, a lifeless look in his eyes. This middle aged man seems to really be living his dreams as a night cashier.

With a grim smile and a quick glance at his name tag, I respond back, "Yes, that's all. I hope you have a wonderful night Jack!" I try to sound as cheery as possible, in hopes of bringing at least one person's mood up today.

"Thank you. I usually don't get more than a grunt from someone. I hope you enjoy your food." Jack brightened at the last words and hands me my receipt.

My shoulders relax a bit. I did good. If I made him smile, maybe the rest of the night won't be so bad. As I roll my shoulders and neck, I finally am able to relax a bit. I head home without anyone noticing otherwise. 

When I finally get comfortable in bed, I open my computer and stick my headphones in for full volume, as I let my bed consume me as I munch. My eyelids are drooping by the 5th episode and a soft glow of morning light is starting to come into my room. I shift on my bed to get more comfortable to fall asleep, when I suddenly feel a hand over my mouth that stifles my scream as a masked figure stabs something into my upper thigh.

  

I know this isn't much right now, so I'm sorry. I have a lot of ideas and it's hard to write it out well and fast enough as they're coming. I wanted this to be a bit of a regular, everyday life kinda feeling. She has a backstory, she has a life, it's not like she's doing nothing in her life. A feel like a lot of writers either do one of two things, write about a character who has an ordinary life that's boring and mundane and then something suddenly happens that changes their life OR an author writes about a person who's gone through shit and now they're dealing with the aftermath or whatever. What about someone who's been through shit and goes through more?

That's my take on this. Life is sometimes too predictable for me.