Relatable & Funny Quotes & Sayings

(•-•)

-Cleaning my room:
10% Cleaning
30% Complaining
60% Playing with the stuff I've found!

-When a package says "Easy Open" and you end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun, and a laser trying to open it.

-Who cares if school doesn't teach us how to raise a family or get a job, like, at least I can find the area of a triangle.

-How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?

-We all have that friend who takes something you say and makes it sound dirty.

-Teacher: You should know this, you learned this three years ago.

Me: I don't even remember what I ate last week.

-Look to the left.

Now look to the right.

I just virtually slapped you.

-*Username or Password Incorrect* ...Why can't you just tell me which one?

-Pringles: The only chip company that doesn't sell air.

-My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like.

-My life is one big "Wow, okay."

-'Due tomorrow' means 'Do tomorrow'.

-I'm such a good cook that even the smoke alarm hoots and hollers.

-Mirror: Oh you look good today!

Camera: LOL no.

-I grew up being told not to write on the walls. I felt like such a badass when I first joined Facebook.

-My room is not messy. It's an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.

-A thief broke into my house last night... He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

-Three horrible facts:
1. Today is not Friday
2. Tomorrow is not Friday
3. Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday

-Home: where I can look ugly and enjoy it.

-A quiet man is a thinking man.
A quiet woman is usually mad.

-I am a female.
FE= Iron
MALE= Man
Therefore I am Iron man.

-Normal Friend: Wow you are so pretty!!
Best Friend: Shrek called, he wants his face back.

-I'd swim the ocean for you...
LOL jk, there are sharks in there.

-2 Golden Rules of Life:

1. The wife is always right.

2. When you feel that she is wrong, slap yourself and read rule no.1 again.