Namjoon Oneshots and Sickfics

Trials

Requested by @sasuu

warning: depression, suicide attempt

-------

For the longest time, Namjoon had struggled with negative thoughts. He wasn't your local confident gay or anything, just a person who barely managed. He was shy and somewhat awkward.

After he was given the responsibility to be BTS's leader, everything came crashing down on him. He was responsible for so much. The careers of the other members depended on him. He cried when he found out.

Over the years, he had learned how to deal with that stress better. There were still hard times when he doubted his ability to lead, but they had lessened.

Still, when they did happen, they practically destroyed him.

They mostly came in the form of someone questioning his ability or his performance. That lead to him overthinking and ultimately, tearing himself apart. It's crazy how he let someone else's words dictate his life.

------

Yoongi made sure to pay extra attention to Namjoon whenever he noticed that he was going into one of those "slumps". Namjoon would get quieter and more tired. He would spent most of his time laying on his bed or sitting on the couch. Even his voice would get monotone and lifeless.

Yoongi tried to cheer him up during those times. He knew there were few things that Namjoon would get genuinely amused by, but he did still try. Though, when he noticed that Namjoon was starting to get annoyed, he made sure to let him have some alone time.

Maybe Namjoon did need help. Yoongi thought he should. When he talked to the others, they all agreed he should. But Namjoon seemed to bounce back in a few months. He would become energetic again. Yoongi didn't know if he was just pretending or if he was actually better, but he chose to believe the latter.

But the issue had been nagging at him for a while. He needed to help Namjoon out somehow. That's what a good friend would do.

-------

When the storm clouds, they came all together. The lightning, the thunder, the deafening rainfall, it all came together to terrorize the earth. That was the case for Namjoon. When the negative feelings came, they crashed down onto him, like he was nothing more than a toy train that could be played with and thrown around.

Everything was so bleak. Forcing a smile for the others took up all his energy. The others noticed, he knew. They asked him what was wrong. They showed him comfort, even when he tried to push them away.  And deep down Namjoon was thankful. They knew he was. They never got annoyed with him.

He knew this season was going to pass just like it always did. He had just to huddle tight and protect himself. Namjoon had to remind himself that all those suicidal thoughts that he got were temporary. He was going to get through this, if he just could hold on, damn it.

Easier said than done, really. Especially when there were people around him that clearly didn't care about his wellbeing and sanity.

------

Jimin knew that he didn't like the atmosphere of the building as soon as came in. The people were snarky too. All of a sudden, doing the interview didn't seem so fun after all.

"I don't like this place," he muttered to nobody in particular.

"Hmm, well it's only a short interview," Jin said. He glanced at Namjoon, as if he was checking to make sure that he was okay. "Don't worry Jimin, we're all going to be together."

"Yeah, true."

Namjoon trudged along behind them. He wanted to go home. He didn't want to talk and act cheerful. Sleeping sounded much more fun. But as the leader, he was expected to be the spokesperson. He couldn't help but feel that he wasn't a good leader. He knew the others didn't look up to him as much as he wanted them to.