Ecstasy | Shuji Hanma [Tokyo Revengers]

prologue

"Y/N, I'm so proud of you! you did well on this exam." Your mother pat ur head softly, while the both of u were waiting for your father to come home. You knew he'd be proud as well, he always is no matter what you do. Your mother is a hardworking woman, and you never want to disappoint her. "I'm home!" You ran to your father to greet him. You father is a succesful businessman and you're used to him coming home late. Everyone had a decent dinner and your father congratulated your good results.

But everyday was like this. Everyday you had the urge to reach people's higher expectations, and you strive to be better (in a negative way).

You felt guilty everytime you feel like this, since you were born into a happy and peaceful environment. You have no rights to feel like this because you were blessed ever since you were a kid. You were the burntout-gifted kid who always felt the need to please society. To never disappoint your family.

But would they like that?

What is it, really?

What's wrong with you?

  Is it the desire to be the best or is it the need to fit in?

  Is it really worth it, risking it all for success?

Wouldn't it be better if you were just dead?
   Wouldn't it be better if you maybe had emotions?

Maybe you should do it.
Jump off the balcony, end it all. End your suffer.

You stopped yourself, and held onto the fence. "I need a break."

You question the same stuff everyday but the thoughts become more harmful.

You try your best to shake them off but you know soon enough, it'll become actions. Actual things that make you scared of yourself.

It's 11pm, and the clocks ticking louder than it usually would. You took a step out the house to catch some air and relax yourself. It's just a sheer distraction, though you know that distractions don't distract you forever. You walked around your area and decided to stop at the playground, a place you've always been fond of ever since you were a kid. So comforting, all the memories just flash through your mind. Playgrounds really do make you wish your childhood lasted longer.

You sat on one of the swings, and relaxed yourself.

Do you really like who you are now?

If only you could go back in time and not do the things that ended you up like this. Would the 8 year old you really like the new you?

You burst into tears thinking about how fucked up you've gotten ever since you were told to be matured. You rarely cry, and you always try to bottle in since no one would understand the fact that you're being pressured by yourself. A delusional person, they'd call you.

"Why are you crying at such a happy place?"
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writer's note: i'm not a professional writer, don't expect a top tier fanfiction LMAO