at the moment, nearly all of the people i talk to is lying to someone else, with one or two as an exception. they're untruthful to their friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, etc.
and they're telling me that they're lying and that they instruct me not to tell anyone, especially not the person they're being deceitful to.
and i see how they do it, like it's the second-most natural talent they were born with. they smile as if they've got nothing to hide, talk as if it isn't complete bullshit coming out of their mouths.
and then they tell me they trust me, that they need my help. they ask for advice on what to do in the situation. which isn't bad, i try to help too.
and then when the people they're lying to come to me because they're beginning to realize that maybe they weren't told the whole truth. i then feel pressured to lie, to comfort and coax them, because if i don't, then i'll just create problems between people, problems that wouldn't have existed if i had just went along with it. sometimes, i think if i don't do it, i'll end up losing the few friends i have.
it's not a great feeling when someone's mood becomes better because of something you know isn't true. it's a large web of lies that i'm now apart of too.
the thing is though, if my friends could lie that easily to them, how easily could they lie to me?
hm. maybe they are.
i hate it. i hate myself for this.
i don't like lying anymore and yet, at the same time, i can't stop. i don't want to be the one to tell the truth; i'll feel like a traitor. i just sit back and wait for the other person to come forward and they never do.
when this happens, i feel sort of trapped, i guess. i can't leave but i don't really want to stay either. i'm stuck and i don't know how to get out. it's not really their fault though. i don't think they really understand how to say the truth without hurting the other person. i don't think they can find a way to do so either. i don't know.
anyways, to make sure i don't end this sounding like a depressed useless crybaby, i'm going to end this by saying that i saw blue and black on that dress that broke the internet.
erm, that's all. i appreciate it if you actually read this.
sincerely,
rosabella
