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17.5 | All I Want For Christmas

Sade's Townhouse
December 25
5:03 am

        Divine softy caressed Sade's stomach, rubbing over the spot where his sons seemed to keep kicking. He had been staring at her in admiration for the last eighteen minutes to be exact. His body automatically waking him up at the same time he'd been conditioned to get up for the last six months. Sade's round but stretch mark free stomach seemed to glow against the rays of daylight coming through the blinds. She wore a black Nike sports bra and a pair of his black supreme boxers. Sprawled out on her back with her hair all over the black silk pillows. With the new healthy weight on her, she made his boxers look like a tight ass panty. But he wasn't complaining. He still couldn't believe she was Pregnant. With his babies at that.

Sade definitely told him to sleep in the the guest bedroom last night when he insisted on staying after everyone went home. But of course Divine snuck into her bed when she was knocked out. It wouldn't be him if he didn't find himself under her in some fashion.

Even though he slept for a total of 3 hours, it was some of the best rest he'd got in a while. It was as if her scent rocked him to sleep peacefully. Or just his subconscious knowing that she was in close proximity seemed to put him at ease. Good terms or not, he was grateful she even acknowledged him. It took prison for him to understand she doesn't owe him a word.

How he went about things, the cheating, the running away from tough conversations, the emotional manipulation, the isolation, the lies. He knew he was wrong, dead wrong. He didn't deserve her. Still don't. Yes she has her flaws but he never accepted them the way she always loved his. "I'm Sorry Baby" Divine mumbled out to Sade's sleeping frame. Letting out a sad sigh he turned to lay on his back next to her, now putting his focus on the ceiling. His heart stilled when he felt her turn to snuggle into his side. Laying her head on his side and throwing her leg on him. Almost out of instinct. He remained still so she wouldn't wake up out of her deep sleep and curse him out.

These last six months were hard but not only because of prison. But because he went through such a personal growth journey within himself. This time he was alone, no Nas. No sade to hold him up, no one to place his struggles on. He took the steps to see a counselor in prison to get over the fear of abandonment he'd been suppressing. He never understood the toll of losing his parents at such a young had an effect on him. Mostly the fact that he never healed from the death of his other half, Diem. His first bid he had to be strong, never grieving his twin brother. Then when he came home he just fell into patterns he couldn't explain. Divine wanted to feel, he wanted to be hurt as long as he acknowledged his emotions now.

Truthfully he couldnt wait to show his loved ones how different he truly is. Especially his Grandmother. He made a promise to himself if he was to come home he would be more mentally present for them all. And he would make a honest woman out of Sade. One thing about it, Divine was a man of his word. Good or bad. Now here he was in the bed with who he knew to be his salvation, the love and purpose's of his life.

In the beginning Divine thought the frequent dreams of his and sades future together were to punish him. To show him what he could've had if he just moved smarter, more empathetic. To let him see what he really desired most he couldn't have. But soon he realized those dreams were his biggest gift, to show him he needed to change internally to receive those blessings.

The reason Allah continued to spare him even if he doesn't deserve his mercy. All the dreams, all the emotions, the weird coincidences were all to teach him something. Allah gave him his second chance and he was going to take it.

Deciding to quiet his thoughts, he blanked himself out and rested his hand back on Sade's stomach. His son's immediately kicking his palm. Hearing her groan a little but snuggling even closer into his muscular frame. "Divine.." Sade mumbled out.