First Time For Everything [WangXian FF]

46

Even though he couldn’t believe his own ears he knew what the other said was true. He could see it in the way his boyfriend’s ears turned bright red. He found that extremely cute but he still needed some sort of explanation as to what transpired that night. How could they move ahead until all doubts were cleared? He had to ask. Wuxian took a deep breath and began speaking again.
“You went to her apartment. You cooked for her, Lan Zhan…” Wuxian said it in a whisper and Wangji knew he was hurting.
“Yes I did and I am sorry for that. I am sorry for giving her a ride and going to her apartment but in my defense I just took pity on her. She was crying and begging me but all I could think about was you and I think a part of me was guilty. But I promise you, I didn’t do anything with her, Wei Ying.”
“Why were you guilty? You said she was never your girlfriend.”
“Mn. She never was. But I did use her. Of course she used me too but I still felt pity for her. I understood it later when I saw her tweets that she had actually played me. I hated myself for being nice to her and I would have explained everything to you had you let me.”
He had to pause as the memories of that night still haunted him. “That night, it was not the words you spoke that hurt me but the fear and distrust I saw in your eyes. It broke my heart, Wei Ying.”
Wangji stood up, walking away from Wuxian, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “I know I was at fault too, Wei Ying and I am so sorry to not have taken your feelings into consideration before I went ahead and helped her. But I was devastated when you turned your back on me. You promised me, you promised me you would hear me out before you believed others but you didn’t.”
Wangji’s voice broke at the tail end of his sentence and he tried his level best to not break down in front of Wuxian.
“I am so sorry, Lan Zhan.” his voice trembled as he said that.
“Did you really think I was just playing with you this whole time? Having fun making love to you while I fucked other people on the side?” Wangji knew he was being harsh but he couldn’t stop himself from letting the bitterness colour his words.
Wuxian shook his head, repeatedly. It hurt to hear Wangji say that but he knew what the other said was what he had felt that night when Wuxian had pushed him away. “Please Lan Zhan…” Wuxian sobbed silently and Wangji wanted to gather him in his arms and protect him from everything in this world. His voice softened as he asked, “Why did you not trust me, Wei Ying? What did I do wrong for you to just throw away my love for you as if it meant nothing?”
“I was jealous, OK?” Wuxian wailed. “The thought of you in someone else’s arms made me see red and that was the main reason I lashed out. Not to mention I always thought you could do so much better than me. She is beautiful, Lan Zhan and you’ve always been attracted to girls before."
Wangji walked back to him then. He crouched in front of him again and held his hands, his eyes staring unwaveringly into Wuxian’s. “Wei Ying, how can anyone else be more beautiful than you? She is nothing compared to you. NOTHING! You’re the angel to my devil, bunny. The best thing that has happened to me. You make me a better person. Why do you think I was so obsessed to go out with you? The day I laid eyes on you, Wei Ying, I couldn’t look at anyone else anymore. You’re all my eyes see, all my eyes search for. Just you. The love of my life.”
Wuxian lips wobbled as new tears threatened to spill from his already red rimmed eyes.
Wangji couldn’t look at him anymore. This conversation was important for how their relationship was going to be like in the future, so he forced himself to get up and walk a little further away from his boyfriend. His back facing the other. Wuxian crying was a sight he never ever wanted to see again in his entire life.
“Lan Zhan, I didn’t mean to doubt your feelings. At the time when I saw the pictures and then talked to Qin Su on your phone, all I could think was, “How can Lan Zhan show his smile to someone else?”, “How can he touch someone else with those hands?”.. I didn’t want to share you with anyone. You’re mine. MINE!”
The last word was yelled. It echoed in the big space, bouncing off the white brick walls. Wangji absorbed the reverberations and yet he had to say it all otherwise those bitter words lodged in his throat would fester and make him resentful. He didn’t want that. He wanted his love for his Wei Ying to be unadulterated and honest. So he continued.
“And Su She? You cared so much about him that you wanted to stop me?”
“No… I never cared about him. It was you who I cared about...care about,” he corrected. “I was afraid if you hit him you would be the one in trouble. I know he had ulterior motives, Lan Zhan. I saw it in his smile that night but I was so upset with the whole situation, I couldn’t think straight.”
He stood up from the couch and walked up to Wangji, his legs barely holding him up. He came to a stop behind the stiff figure of his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around him. “You’re really great. I like you.”
That made the other’s breath hitch.
“Or in other words, I fancy you, I love you, I want you, I can’t leave you, I whatever you.” He whispered in Lan Wangji’s ears.. “Do you hear me? I love you! You made me fall for you, head over heels, Lan Zhan and I will spend the rest of my life proving that if I have to.”
Wangji’s heart soared to the ninth heaven when he heard his bunny profess his love for him.
“I am sorry, I jumped to conclusions. Tell me Lan Zhan, what would you have done differently if you were in my shoes?”
Wangji knew his boyfriend was right and a single tear rolled down his cheeks. “We both made mistakes that night Wei Ying but I won’t let you go so easily. I will fight for you, even if it means that I have to fight you, I will.”
Wuxian smiled when he heard that and kissed his boyfriend’s nape. “Make love to me, Lan Zhan. Make me yours again.”
Those words alone had lust pooling inside his lower belly and Wangji couldn’t hold it at bay anymore. “That’s what you truly wish for?”
“Yes.” One word. Clear, confident and resolute.
Wangji turned around in Wuxian’s embrace until he faced him and then kissed him hard, pouring all the longing, desire, pain and frustration into that one kiss. Wuxian too, didn’t hold back. He moved his hands from around Wangji’s torso to his neck as he moved closer, tongues dueling, teeth nipping.
They stayed in that embrace and kissed for the longest time. Three days apart from each other and it looked like that was the maximum separation they could handle. They were finally ready to forgive each other and let the purity of love blossom between them, this time without any room for doubts.