Blue and Grey [TaeKook ff]

TAEKOOK - V

"I just wanna be happier".

It's easy to say that we want to be happy but how can you be happy if your happiness is right in front of you but you can't reach it and hold it? Is it too much to ask if you want that happiness for yourself? Is it being greedy?

A smile escaped from my face when I see my happiness. In the rearview mirror of my car, I witnessed how he gently stroking his hair from one side to another making him more adorable than he should. He opened the car window and closed his eyes while he's trying to feel the wind embracing through his skin. I heard his laugh and it sends shivers down my spine.

I'm very cautious about my actions. I don't want to ruin what we have. We have each other when we don't have anything and we still have each other when we already have everything. I'm contented loving my happiness within my reach but unreachable. I'm contented just having a glimpse of him.

"Hyung, are you happy achieving your dreams with us?"

"Of course. You guys are the reasons why I reached this far".

"We will stay like this for a long time".

I smiled bitterly when I heard what he said.

"Just don't let go of my hand whenever I feel like blue and grey".

We started to shoot the music video for our self-produced album and since he's our director, he decided to shoot my scenes today. He started to shoot while I'm driving my car and at first I felt an uncomfortable feeling inside of me. I'm afraid he will see something in me through the lens of his camera.

"Your hair, hyung".

I felt my heart is racing so fast when he moved closer and fixed my hair. I stare at his face and I felt like I was lost in my own galaxy. Since when did this start? Since when did I feel this way towards our maknae? I shook my head when reality hits me. Having this kind of status and living in a country wherein same-sex relationship is not fully accepted is like a wake-up call for me.

"Hyung, are you okay? Can you stop the car for a moment?"

I felt like I lost myself and I don't know what to do. I'm not happy and I know it shows. I hide this feeling for almost seven years and now I couldn't hide it nor run away from it. I hugged him tight and I know he got surprised at what I did until I felt his hand caressing my back and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"I just wanna be happier". I whispered in his ear.

"Do the things that will make you happy, hyung. It's okay. We will support you".

"Y-you're my happiness, Jeon Jungkook".

I bit my lower lip when I didn't get any response from him and I am already expecting it. When I felt his hug becomes slack I know what will happen next.

"Hyung, you know we can't. We can't be each other's happiness because one day I'm afraid we will be each other's blue and grey".

I saw the sadness in his eyes. I saw the mixed emotions on his face and it's hurting me more. It feels heavier and I can't escape the pain.

"Saranghae, hyung. Saranghae even if it's hurting us so bad".