Forget to Love

Chapter 6 - Together

The door clicked shut behind Hitori. He let out a breath he had been holding for what felt like hours. He fell on the living room couch, sitting by himself in the dark, trying to process everything that had happened. How could he have been so blind? Sabishi had been suffering for so long, and he never had a clue. What was she really experiencing? Depression? Did anybody else know?

Hitori watched her house through the window. The lights were on. It hurt knowing that Sabishi was there, probably alone, and he was stuck here, helpless. His leg jumped up and down anxiously. He wanted to get up and do something, but he was paralyzed. There wasn't anything he could do to help, was there?

He slowly climbed the steps to his room, each movement feeling like he was ascending a mountain. Had he said the right words? Should he have confessed his feelings at all? Everything was a whirlpool of questions, and he could only let himself get sucked in, watching the world spin and spin around him. He numbly changed into his pajamas and got ready for bed. He brushed his teeth, staring into the mirror for so long he forgot where he was.

He finished and climbed into bed, pulling the covers tight around himself. He repeated the same message to himself over and over.

We'll be together tomorrow. We'll be together tomorrow. After school we'll be free, and it'll be the best day ever! Everything will be okay... We'll be together tomorrow...

Then why did he feel so scared? Why did he feel like it was all falling apart instead of coming together? He flipped, laying on his other side. Neither position was comfortable. The alarm clock nearby blinked numbers that didn't matter to him. Minutes passed like seconds. He tried to sleep but he wasn't tired.

He awoke suddenly, like he'd had a nightmare but he couldn't remember any of it. He only remembered the previous night, which made him more miserable than any nightmare ever could. Sunlight weakly streamed from the windows like it had come through a wall of fog. He quickly changed and brushed his teeth, bounding down the stairs and barely remembering to grab his bag before leaving the house. He skipped breakfast, he couldn't fathom the thought of eating anyway.

Outside, the sky was a little overcast, and a mist hung in the air. A cherry blossom fell into a neat pile of other blossoms, but he didn't notice. He trudged over the pile, scattering the petals. The distance between him and Sabishi's house felt like miles. He finally made it, knocking on her door. His mood would lighten up if they could walk to school together like everything between them was normal. He yearned to see her bright smile, like there wasn't a sorrow in the world that ever mattered. He knocked.

There was no response from inside. He knocked again, calling her name, but there was no answer. He tapped his foot.

Maybe it's early, and she's still asleep.

Hitori checked his phone. It was time to leave. No new messages. He typed out a quick text along the lines of wanting to walk together but not knowing if she'd already left.

She probably left earlier. She might be feeling a little awkward being around me at first. I understand.

He waited a few minutes, pacing circles and checking for any new messages. Nothing. Eventually he decided to leave without her. The sky seemed to press down on him, like it was smothering him with a blanket of clouds. He clutched the strap of his bag and quickened his pace. Everything felt muted and quiet, like the rest of the world didn't fully exist.

Hitori reached the school, but the hammering in his chest didn't let up. He didn't share a schedule with Sabishi today, so he probably wouldn't see her until lunchtime or after. He considered checking in on her classroom just to see her face, but that would be rude. He needed to calm down or else he would like he was panicking the whole day. So he sat through his classes quietly. Hours passed. He couldn't answer any questions correctly. His worksheets stared back at him like an alien language. Writing his own name was a challenge.