【 切ない 】|| Nijiro Murakami x Reader

11 - End

You feel troubled. You were sure that the choice wasn't yours to make and even if you did refuse to tell him, he'll probably find out sooner or later. As his breath fans the side of your neck as he is falling asleep, you close your eyes and sigh.

You decide not to tell him. You weren't selfish but you didn't want him to go back to her now that he's finally yours.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, you'll visit her to see how she's doing. You feel a little guilty but you try to get it out of your system. If Nijiro really wanted to get back with her, he wouldn't be sleeping in your arms at the moment. That's right, he wants to be with you now not her. And you're sure that she'll be fine. She doesn't seem to love him, at least not anymore.

Morning came sooner than you expected and you woke up alone, Nijiro nowhere to be found. You sighed and got up. Some days, he would just disappear before you wake up and it bothered you. But you couldn't bring yourself to talk to him about it. You didn't want to annoy him.

When you got to the hospital, a hand suddenly clasped itself on your shoulder and you jolt for a second before turning around. It was Sakurada Dori who had a soft smile on his face. Somehow, you felt a little uncomfortable to see him because of the last conversation you two had.

You were not ready to tell him that you didn't want to tell Nijiro about everything, that you would rather keep him for yourself. It wasn't really the type of conversation you even thought of having with someone whom you could consider a total stranger.

And you knew if you told him your decision now, it wouldn't turn out pretty. This man loved the same girl your boyfriend loved. You reckon that he'll do anything to get what he wants and that is for the said girl to get treated.

"Let's go to the room together." His smile widened a little which didn't really put you at ease, not even one bit.

As soon as the two of you got to the door, you found out why. You could clearly see Nijiro through the small glass window. He was smiling softly at a sleeping Shouko. And then and there, you knew that he was still inlove with her.

You really fooled yourself to believe that he actually loved you just because he's with you. Love doesn't work like that and you learned that the hard way.

"He's been there even before I got here." Sakurada Dori sighed. "I've been waiting downstairs for five hours but it seems like he's planning to stay in there the whole day."

You couldn't find anything to say, you were speechless just seeing Nijiro inside. You got out your phone and tried calling him. To your relief, he answered the call.

"Nijiro? Where are you? I just woke up and you're already gone." You say through the phone.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't I tell you last night? I'm busy with work today. I might stop by later at night. Bye, I gotta go."

You take in a little breath to stop your tears from falling. He just lied so smoothly, he really is a damn good actor. You weren't even mad, just disappointed.

"I take it that you don't want to come inside with me?" Sakurada Dori asked with a raised eyebrow and a ghost of a smirk on his lips. It was as if he was enjoying seeing you hurt.

"I just remembered I had something to do." You clear your throat. "Tell Shouko I stopped by. Preferably when Nijiro's gone."

And with that, you quickly walked away and got out of the hospital. You didn't know what to feel, you didn't know what to do. You kept asking yourself the same questions like do you want to pretend that you didn't know a thing? Do you want to pretend that he didn't just lie to you?

Being with someone like Nijiro was way too good to be true. You couldn't resent him, even for hurting you so much. Nijiro may not be good to you but he's still good to those whom he actually loved and you can't bring yourself to hate him for that.

You wanted to let him go so bad but at the same time you wanted to be selfish and keep him. However, whatever your decision may be didn't really matter. Nijiro is still his own person and only he can make decisions for himself. Clearly, he will choose her over anyone anytime.

You didn't have to torture yourself like this, you shouldn't. But loving him felt too damn good that it was worth all the pain.

You chuckle to yourself and wonder why on earth you were like this. It isn't healthy at all to love someone like this and you knew that. You were still sane but you felt like it wouldn't be like that for long.

You wanted to make him choose but you knew that would be way too stupid. You already knew that he'll choose her over you and you didn't want to embarrass yourself. Just one sign, you just wished for one sign and if the heavens gave it to you then you will leave him for good.

"Oh..." You mutter to yourself as that sign was literally thrown to your face.

Soon enough, tears start to stream down your cheeks and by the next minute you were a sobbing mess. In front of you, Nijiro stood still like he didn't know what to do with you.

Turns out, ending the relationship didn't rely on your decision alone. You forgot about the fact that he could also end it.

"I know that I'm an asshole for using you. But you must've known that I wasn't over her, right? I didn't really try to hide it.." Nijiro muttered, making you feel even worse.

Isn't he done with making you feel awful yet? Why's he still there? Why isn't he leaving?

"I understand." You said barely above a whisper.

Nijiro nodded and took a step closer to you before bending down to kiss the top of your head, making you cry even harder.

"Believe me, I tried..." He whispered before walking out the door.

There was nothing worse than knowing that he actually tried to love you but just couldn't. It has always been her, you were never even part of the picture.

You were just another chapter in his book and now he has moved on to the next, without you in it. Though it was hard to accept, you knew you had to. There was no use in holding on to someone who never even did the same for you.

In the end, only three things matter; how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.