Sometimes, you wonder how it is possible to think about someone that much. He is always in your mind. All the time. And he never leaves. However, you never actually told anyone. Because you guys are just friends. And it will always be that way. Even if sometimes you allow yourself to imagine what it would be like to kiss him. You wonder what his lips taste like, the sensation of his hair between your fingers, the feeling of his skin against yours. But it will never happen. Even if sometimes, his hand wanders on your leg when you are sitting next to him. Even if you catch him staring at you at every party you go to. He sends mixed signals. I want you. But I don't. I'm afraid. But you're beautiful. Kiss me. But no, don't.Because I will never be yours. You imagine what he thinks because his behaviour is not so easy to understand. And here you are, lost in your own heart, not knowing what your own feelings are. You don't know his and you can't trust yours.
"Friends don't look at friends that way" your best friend told you after school, one day.
"What?" you asked her.
"The way he looks at you. It is like he wants to see through you or I don't know. And, like, when you look at each other, there is tension."
"A tension?" you laughed.
"Yeah. Like you desire each other but in secret you know. But, that probably doesn't make any sense" she said, ending the conversation.
You thought about this conversation for a while. Because it makes sense.
Every time we talk, it just hurts so bad
Every time you see him at a party, you try to avoid him. But, in the end, you always end up sitting next to him. He is like a magnet, attracting you.
When he talks close to your ear so you can hear what he has to say above the music, when you smell his cologne, when he looks at you. It kills you. Because he will never be yours. Even if you flirt, even if you play, even when you dance together and he is so close to you. It will never happen. You guys are just friends, aren't you? Because, at the end of the day, he doesn't want to break your heart. He confessed that to you years ago. Still, you can't get him out of your head. You are so attracted to him, it kills you. Talking to him kills you, seeing him so close, yet so far kills you.
We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room
You're at a party with your friends and of course, you are aware of his presence. From time to time, you feel his gaze. But you don't have the nerves to look at him. Not yet. At some point, you are listening to your friends talking when you make eye contact with Jisung. He smirks, like he knew you would look at him eventually. His eyes are so intense and none of you break the contact until it is too much for you to bear. You get up to have a drink. When you turn around from the table where the cups are, you catch him staring. He smirks, once more. You wonder what he is up to. And suddenly it is too much for him. He can't handle it anymore. Your eyes on him, your beautiful face, the fact that you wear a dress of his favourite colour and even the necklace you are wearing attract him. Everything about you is so appealing. And he resisted for so long. But he can't do it anymore. He comes to you, takes the drink from your hand and puts it back on the table. You don't have a moment to think, he grabs your hand and brings you in the corridor where there is just you and him. He pins you to the wall and looks at you intensely in the eyes. You stay like this for a while. You can't move because his body is so close. You are sweating and it feels like you can't think anymore. You can admire his pretty face and your eyes are wandering from his eyes to his lips.
"I want to kiss you so bad," he tells you. And he doesn't let you answer. His lips crash on yours.
Your mouth opens naturally and your tongues dance together. He tastes like fire and summer. His hands grab your head and your waist and yours wander around his neck and in his hair. It is so soft. It is so intense, you don't feel like you need to breathe anymore. You don't want him to stop.
But he does, eventually. He takes a step back and looks at you.
"I'm sorry, I wanted to do that for so long it killed me. I-I had to."
You kiss him again.
"Don't ever apologize for kissing me ever again."
"Alright ma'am" he answers, smiling against your lips.
"We can't be friends, can we?" you ask him.
"I don't think we can. We have been for so long. We shouldn't be allowed to."
"I don't want to be friends with you. Do you?"
"I want you." he simply answers.
Friends don't look at friends that way
But Jisung and you are not friends. Not anymore.
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This imagine was inspired by that way by Tate McRae. Let me know if you like it!
