That giggle. It was the same one I hear after every insult. Every name. Every whisper.
I've never said I hated anything. I consider the word hate to be worse than any curse word.
I hate her.
She is the reason my life is like this.
She is the reason behind every scar on my arms.
***
(Earlier in the year)
New school, new Rosie. New school, new Rosie. I kept repeating this to myself.
A very quirky, but nice girl named after a season had invited me to sit with her group in Social Studies.
As I enter I spot the group right away. There was at least seven girls crowded around a 4 seater table. I look at my friend, unsure, but she motions towards a chair.
I pull up a seat and all eyes turn to me, their chatter suddenly cut short. I gave a small wave, feeling rather pitiful.
The girl at the head, Molly I believe, had a sinister smirk on her face. "I'm sorry who ever you are, but this table is a bit full. We don't need any wannabes."
So you know what I did? I left peacefully. I didn't give her the satisfaction of a reaction. I figure she would see that I didn't want any trouble.
Wrong. She saw a pushover. She wasn't going to stop. Ever. This was just the beginning.
***
(Current time)
"Hello my friends!" Says an unsituationally happy Winter.
I shoot her a look that she doesn't seem to understand. "Winter, can I talk to you for a minute...alone?"
"Of course you may Rosie Alexis Arvinites."
"Greeeaat." I say while pulling her into the hallway.
"Why did you invite HER?!?!" I whisper yell.
"I did not."
"Then why is she here??!?!"
"Hmm I do not know. I had no clue she was here."
I stand there, jaw dropped "She has been sitting in your room for who knows how long....and you didn't know???"
"Correct. But if you think about it, so were you."
"But I'm allowed to be! You told me I could."
"So is she Rosie. I promised she could come here any day any time if she needed to get away from home."
"What do you mean???"
Suddenly a voice comes from behind me "She means my 18 year old sister has a toddler, the other is a Lesbian, my Mom is an alcoholic, and my Dad is dead."
Oh. Fuck. What am I supposed to say to that? Here's what my scumbag brain comes up with "Don't say anything and maybe she will leave". Well it is my brain...I guess I have to listen to it.
She takes my silence as an apology. Maybe my brain does know what it's doing. "It's okay. You didn't know."
She steps closer and hugs me. The bitch fucking thinks she could touch me!
I'm about ready to push her off when my brain (maybe my conscience) talks again. "Rosie, don't be mean. People like her maybe have made you like this, but you weren't always heartless. Hug her back. Forgive. Be you again."
I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer. It feels like I'm hugging my emotions. Or my scars. Or my tears. I don't know, this is all too confusing.
"Hey guys!!!!Can we watch Lion King 1 1/2?!?!"
I laugh, pulling away from Molly, tears in both our eyes. "Of course we can Winter."
