Peter's Spider Mom

#12 part 2 {Grandpa Fury and almost everyone else}

 Fury looked towards Natasha again, "Natasha, remember that both Mama Hill and I love you very much." Natasha looked at the others who was clearly checked out mentally for a few minutes until he came to terms with this, she had feeling she was about to join him as Fury continued. "But you're old enough to know now... That Fury women tend to get eyepatches, it's not just the men. So maybe you got something from Mama Hill's side to avoid that but just prepare yourself."

Natasha let out a nervous laugh, at least as far as she knew Fury did not have a sheet like that for her, hopefully the world would stay that way. "Okay Papa Fury, I think it's time we got back to the Helicarrier. I'll call Coulson to pick us up."

"That's Uncle Phill" Fury shouted as Natasha moved away to call Coulson, anything to end this. After a few moment of bantering on the phone the general answer from Phil was "No, he's not coming back to the Helicarrier, find somewhere else. Never dealing with Papa Fury again." Natasha grumbled under her breath and returned to the Avengers and Fury. "Uncle Phil says he's not coming."

"HA! Your Uncle Phil is such a prankster. Well we'll just have to find somewhere else to stay," Fury replied.

"Let's go back to the Tower" Bruce said. Thor thought about it and nodded, "Good idea, my friend."

"Of course! It was Lil' Bruce idea, after all! " Fury yelled.

"Steve!" Fury yelled, "He's the perfect son. Clint why can't you be more likeSteve? In fact why can't be all of the boys like Steve?

"Oh wow you're not his favorite son, Clint" Natasha commented.

Clint sighed and said, "Come on Papa Fury let's get you to the tower."

The Avengers and Fury started back to the tower, Natasha found herself constantly having to pull Fury back to keep him going while Thor had to keep himself from collapsing into a drunken ball of pain from everything. Fury kept yelling at every guy who passed by that dare to look at Natasha. Informing them that he'd gouge out one of their eyes if they kept looking at his little girl like that and to get their mind out of the gutter. "Come on Papa Fury, we're almost there." They got inside the tower and started towards the elevator. They got in and lick the button with 'LR' (Living room) written on it. When they arrived Fury collapsed on the couch ang hugged Tony and Natasha "You know I don't know why you two don't work things out and end up together. It's not incest if you're adopted, Tony. I will give you permission to go on one date with my little girl but when you do you need to have her home by 10."

"Please tell me this isn't happening," Tony grumbled.

"And Natasha I saw those pictures from that photo-shoot you did, I'm very disappointed," Fury crossed his arms over his chest.

"You ordered me to do those," Natasha replied.

"I caught some of the agents with them. Don't worry, I destroyed them. No one does that to pictures of my little girl "Eurycommented "However you're grounded until further noticed. I expect you back to the Helicarrier by 8 young lady!"

"What about that date with Tony you said I could stay until 10 with him," Natasha questioned looking at Stark for back up.

"Okay when you say "them" do you mean the pictures or the agents?" Bruce questioned.

"We'll discuss the date night when it come up and that's one date! In fact I will chaperone that date for you two just to make sure it goes fine," Fury stated before looking at the two and letting out a sigh, "You two are growing up so fast." He sat down and got his wallet out again, "I remember when you werekids, you were so cute." Thor looked over Fury's shoulder, "Uhh... When did Fury get pictures of us when we were kids?"

Everyone looked looked over Fury's other shoulder at the pictures in Fury's wallet. Somehow he had obtained pictures of almost everyone as kids, though if he couldn't get actual pictures of them it seemed he convinced others to dress up as them and pretend to be kids for pictures.

"I... This is creepy." Steve said.

"But since you two are growing up so fast I think it's time. Boys, have a seat. Natasha you too, Mama Hill doesn't want to have this talk with you so I will. I might as well do both of yours at the same time."

"He's not," Loki commented looking at others as he sat down still a little off.

"Now your bodies are changing. It's completely natural but you'll have certain urges as this happens," Fury continued.

"He is," Natasha nodded sitting down beside Bruce and Tony completely terrified of what was coming, "he's giving us the sex talk." Steve and Bruce blushed

"What's important is to know how to deal with these urges. Clint hand me that banana so I can show you how to do this and show Natasha what she needs to he ready for " Fury hold his hand out for the banana.

"This... This can't get any worse," Steve muttered, as Clint handed Fury the banana knowing he wasn't going to leave this alone

"Now another way you can deal with the urges on your own is to..." Fury continued droning on.

"Nope... Just got worse," Natasha replied completely horrified about this. Not about the sex talk, just the fact that Fury was giving it to them.

"Now if anyone tries anything without asking me for my blessing first then I will get my shot gun and hunt them down," Fury replied, "No one does anything to my kids without my consent! But now let's talk about safety."

"Avengers... Let's agree to never, ever let Fury get drunk again," Steve said.

"I will personally kill whoever tries," Natasha agreed.

"You better be paying attention you need to know this," Fury looked at the Avengers clearly not approving of their talking during his talk.

Bruce stared slightly disturbed at watching Fury put a condom on the banana.

"...Well I was going to eat that to lower my chances of a hangover but I don't hate myself nearly enough to attempt that now." Loki said.

______________________________________________________

"Peter!" Fury greeted the brunette boy as he stepped off the Quinjet into the Helicarrier quickly heading inside as the boy walked beside him.

"Good morning Grandpa Fury. How did our joke went?" Peter questioned.

"The nano-bots worked perfectly," Fury replied, "Sober the entire night. Coulson played your part well in convincing Agent Romanov that you weren't going to get me."

"It wasn't exactly hard sir," Agent Coulson replied, "A few threats, and general refusal goes a long way in my case."

"I'm glad it does," Fury replied.

"None of them will try to drink with you again, Grandpa Fury?" Peter questioned.

"The Avengers will intend to do everything they can to make sure no one else tries a stupid stunt like that," Fury replied with a smirk, "Now the only way I'm getting drunk is alone and on my terms."

"I don't know sir, last time you called me up when you were drunk that was an insane party with a lot of people," Coulson replied. "It was on my terms," Fury stated again with a smirk, "and that is still our secret boys"