the author made this in 3 am
said author regrets nothing yet everything
(hp isnt my type if jazz atm and i also have bad writing skills so sorry)
---
orion, sirius and regulus, having a peaceful lunch
walburga walking with a white valentino bag: *visibly furious*
orion, astounded by the change in valentino bag: "nice bag whered ya get it?"
walburga, holding back anger *to everyones surprise*: "christmas 1954 it was supposed to be white"
sirius,*wanting to steer walburgas gears* "isnt that kind of racist?"
"what the fuck does racist mean" Orion said confused
"can we just eat lunch in peace?" Regulus exhaustedly offered
walburga, grits her teeth: no
"well so much for trying" Regulus muttered under his breath
"why are you angry mother?" regulus asked in a sickly sweet tone
"WHY THANK YOU FOR ASKING REGULUS"
"ME. A SIMPLE HOUSE WIFE WANTING TO GET AWAY FROM THE FAMILY I SIGNED MY LIFE AWAY TO JUST GRABS HER FAVORITE BAG AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENS TO SAID BAG"
(honestly thats probably me when i do happen to fulfill the getting married and having kids expectation)
"what happened mother?" Sirius asked joining the fun
"THERES LIPSTICK IN MY WHITE VALENTINO BAG"
"good for you"
Walburga faced orion "was it you?"
"was i what?" Orion asked even more confused
"shes asking if you spilled lipstick in her valentino bag" Sirius added helpfully as he shoves a piece of ham
"well why would i do that when i have my own valentino bag"
"that isnt white" Orion added
"im glad you have a color scheme father"
"why thank you regulus" Orion said pleased
"this isnt over"
"THIS IS MY FAVORITE BAG"
regulus: yea you mentioned that earlier-
walburga: *finally losing her shit*
walburga: who did it
sirius: i spilled lipstick in your valentino bag
walburga: *starts saying what in duck noises*
walburga: YOU SPILLED LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG?!?!?
---
Sirius Black,
a victim (or is he?):
it was pretty satisfying ngl
:*whispers* and ill do it again
---
walburga: *done with life*
(same burger 😫✋)
walburga: *tosses bag in sirius' face*
walburga: keep it. im getting another bag
---
Walburga Black
(house wife wanting to get the milk)
Walburga: the bag was ugly anyways
(audible sniffing)
---
Black Brothers
sirius: I GOT THE BAG
regulus: (unenthusiastic clapping) yay good for you
(*spongebob narrator voice* 3 minutes later)
Regulus: wait a minute-
Regulus: why does everyone suddenly have bags from the muggle world and why dont I have one
Sirius: because you dont have a valentino bag dealer
Regulus: what-
---
Alphard Black
(suspected valentino bag dealer)
:what?
:am i not allowed to get bags now?
interviewer: no alphard we just wanted to know if it was you
alphard: i dont know what youre talking about
---
i did it for the vine
(but what never changed is my passion for vine and petty fights)
oh yea drink your vitamins and your water and sleep earlier otherwise youll end up like me a bad headache and a sore throat ready to get a fever any time soon
update a few minutes later: i got the fever i swore i didnt have it while creating this
YOU ARE READING
Toujours Pur; Black Family Feud
RandomON HIATUS ON HIATUS (blame school) what happens when two families come over no one asked for this istg pairings: wolfstar jegulus tedromeda narlily bellatrix/random oc (if you squint and cover your good eye)
