Heroes of Valhalla

Welcome! You're Dead!

"Ahem. On behalf of the staff, welcome to Valhalla. My name is Ran. We recognise that there were other options for your afterlife. We thank you for the selfless sacrifice that landed you here among Odin's chosen warriors instead of elsewhere. Do you have any luggage?"

"Sorry... what?"

Even after everything that had happened in the past few years, waking up here was definitely the strangest of them all.

Thing was, I wasn't sure how I had got there. I don't remember travelling. Last thing I remembered was... well, to be honest, the last thing I remembered was being stabbed, and lying down for a quick moment.

"Luggage," the small man in front of me repeated. "Do you have any?"

I reached for my knife. Apparently it had not come with me on my little journey. "No."

"Never mind then," he sighs. The man, Ran, was at least a head shorter than me, with a big scruffy beard and some sort of leather armour, complete with a green sash around his chest. "So, checking in?"

"Uh - Wait, where am -?"

"Ah, here you are!" he grinned, after dragging his finger down a long paper list on the counter in front of him. "Mr Beau Ardmona."

He pulled out a draw and fumbled with a pile of small metal objects that tinkled loudly. "How many keys would you like? Is one sufficient?"

"What is it for?" I asked him.

"For your bedroom, of course. What else?" Ran rolled his eyes like everything going on was supposed to make complete sense to me. "This is your key." He passed me a small golden key with an engraving of some sort of tune on it. "Don't lose it."

"Where am I?" I repeated.

"Well, you're in Valhalla. I already said," he frowned.

"And what's that?"

Ran stared at me blankly for almost a minute before speaking. "It's the afterlife, pal. You're dead."

"I'm sorry, what?"

My knees buckled right then and there. Surely this was some sort of mistake. Or a prank. Just... there was no way it could be real.

"Listen, kid," he turned away and snapped his finger three times into the distance. Footsteps came running in our direction from down one of many large, golden hallways. "Helgi will show you around a bit, and to your room. Then just make sure that you're at dinner for judgement, alright?"

"What's judgement?"

Another man, presumably Helgi, quickly paced into the reception room. Like Ram, he had a big beard and wore the same clothing and sash. But this man was much taller, and a lot more buff.

"OK, have fun now," Ram told me. "Enjoy your afterlife. It's going to be a long stay."

"How long?" I asked as Helgi approached.

"Forever. Or at least until Ragnarok," Ram turns back to the front of the counter. "Next!" he calls to the empty room.

I followed Helgi through the golden halls of Valhalla, not really paying attention to the twists, turns and directions, but at the amazingly detailed carvings in the walls. Each hall we walked through seemed bigger than the one before. Most of the other people we walked past in this place seem like they're just out of high school or slightly older. They sit together in little groups, lounging, chatting, eating snacks and playing games.

"Valhalla," I said as we walked, the word resurfacing in my mind. "That sounds familiar."

"Yes. Valhalla," Helgi nods. "Congratulations. You've been chosen to join the hosts of Odin. I look forward to hearing about your brave exploits at dinner."