Neon Lights

Yesterday

I'm not all that afraid of this poem, but it came to me when I thought of you. I wish I could have read it to you, I promise I wouldn't have stuttered this time.

I thought I saw you yesterday
Just my mind playing tricks again
I'd like to say I'm fine like every time
Nothing but an allusion of yesterday

There it was again
That thought of you
It holds me captive
Painting you again

It wasn't yesterday, was it
It was this day, this day so long ago
I remember seeing your face, or was it
Not the allusion I saw,

I lied again
I'm not fine today
I saw you again
My mind playing tricks on me

How could it be so long ago
It was only this day a year ago
I remember seeing you for the last time

It's been a year and guess what? They forgot. No one remembers, it's like you never existed. I wonder sometimes, late at night when I can't sleep, which means most nights, if you were ever real. Your memory seems like such a fading fantasy, a book I meant to write but never started.

I think about all the things you've missed. Robin William's death. I remember how you loved The Dead Poets Society. It was a good movie. Well he's dead too now. Maybe you got to see him.

When I think about it, it amazes me how much life just moves on. Even if I stood still, my life would keep going. There is no way to stop it. Shows how much control you really have, doesn't it.

I wanted to tell you I stopped smoking cigarettes. I know how much you hated that filthy habit. I hated it to. But I'm finally done, I've quite. But on those hard days, especially the days I think of you, I itch for one again. It starts in my hand and soon spreads to the rest of me. Sometimes it's unbearable. But each day it gets easier, kind of like dealing with your passing. Funny isn't it? Someday thinking about you might not even hurt in the slightest bit. But that day is a far away day that I might never make it to.

•Savannah•