Rosanna
It was weird to be sitting directly opposite Luke Hemmings. What was even weirder was that he was flirting with me. It was awkward flirting, but it was kind of cute. I couldn't help but blush.
"Aw, thank you!" I said awkwardly, fluttering my eye lashes as I spoke. I was bad at accepting compliments anyway, let alone compliments from Luke Hemmings.
"So, what's up?" he said, looking into my eyes.
I didn't know what to say. Should I be chilled and cool? I had no idea what to say, or do, although at the same time it was unbelievably exciting. I was on an emotional roller coaster. Should I say how I actually felt? So unwanted, so embarrassed, so hated? I didn't feel fine at all, but whether I shared it with Luke Hemmings was a whole other question.
"Are you okay?" He questioned at my silence, still trying to gain eye contact with me, as he got closer to my face, intimidating me even more. But it was in a kind way. Not a scary way.
"No." I blurted out.
Shit. Why did I say that? I could have been cool about it. I could have said "ohhh, I'm totally chill," or "Yeah I'm fine, you?" But something was stopping me. Maybe it was the fact that I actually wasn't okay. Maybe I was just tired. But Luke was a nice guy. I could tell from the way he looked at me. Maybe he would be nice about this.
His head snapped up.
"Oh." he said is his thick Australian accent, disappointingly, "What's happened?"
"I don't really want to talk about it," I said, tilting my head down, sadly.
"No, please, Rosanna."
I normally would have just left at this point, but the way he was starring at me made me feel different. It was like he actually cared.
I hated talking about my feelings. About my past. About everything that had gone on and that was going on in my life. I tended just to keep them inside and wait for them to disappear. They never did, really.
"Well..." I began, "I just, I,"
"Tell me. I know you're not okay. I know something's wrong. I want to help."
It was like he was on some charity advert. He was making it all about me. That didn't happen ever with Matt. Matt only did anything for himself. I guess that made our relationship harder. If Matt wasn't okay, I was like his personal slave. If I wasn't okay, Matt would tell me "You'll be fine, stop being so pathetic," and we'd make a joke from it. It was irritating though. I wanted help. I needed help. Maybe I was used to him ignoring my problems. Having Luke give me so much attention was such a surprise.
But Luke would probably think I was a drama queen. Making everything be about me. I couldn't do this.
"Luke, I'm a fan of your band and all, and you're a nice lad, but I barely know you. In fact, I don't know you. I can't share things this personal with some stranger."
I instantly felt bad about saying it. He looked hurt by my comments, but I wasn't in the mood for this. And plus, I still had to meet Jasmine.
"That's the whole point," he said, with a more brisk tone to his voice. "Maybe talking to someone you don't know will be easier?"
I felt forced, but also I wanted to speak to him. At the end of the day, I was turning down an opportunity to talk to Luke Hemmings, and no one does that.
And so I began telling him everything wrong in my life.
"Well, for starters, my fans are now crazy hating on me. People are telling me to die. It's horrible, and giving me flashbacks from when I was in high school. And then my boyfriend's raging at me, and he's left taken all of his things, and I don't know if I'll see him again. And my family have never cared. I haven't spoken to them in 2 years, they never supported me wanting to do YouTube and they would always make fun of me for it. Constantly. Then when I moved up here I changed my number and didn't tell them my address or anything. And now I'm too scared to go home, because it's too messed up to be recovered. And it just feels like I have nothing left. I don't know what to do. I just want to cry forever. I can't recover from this. Or that's how it feels. Everyone hates me, so what's the point in carrying on? And now I'm all fucked up, with bruises everywhere from this fall I had last night. And I guess that's all really."
