I wish I hated you

6. Trouble in paradise.

Chanel

Saturday morning I woke up at Catherine's house, she was nice enough to offer breakfast but I respectfully declined her offer. The reason why I declined is because mother and I have planned a vacation this weekend.

We are going to the lake house, it's about a two hour drive from our town.

The lake house is one of my favorite places in the world. I have spent a lot of time there as a little girl, my father would take me every weekend. It was our tradition. Sadly, after he passed away it was hard for me to go back to that house. I would refuse every time my mom suggested the idea of going back to that spot.

But when mother proposed to go to the lake house recently, I accepted.

I want to escape the world right now, I want to forget about my life, forget about my problems, forget about everyone and everything. I just want to feel alive. I want to feel something, anything really, I've been going crazy lately.

I was in so much pain. My body just shut down everything, every emotion, every feeling. I couldn't even get myself to cry. Every smile was fake, I didn't feel happy it was just a reflex. My body and mind was in survival mode.

I just felt...numb.

The worst feeling in the world is being numb because no matter how much you want to feel something, you purely can't.

I couldn't care less about everything. The world could have been on fire and I wouldn't even be scared. I only felt things that I needed to feel to be able to save myself.

...

We have been on the road for about an hour. My mom didn't mention last night until now. "How did it go last night?"

"I found something..." I trail off. I have yet to figure out what the secret message is. "I'm pretty sure it's a message." I continue. She has her eyes locked on the road. "I suppose you don't know what it means yet."

"You know me too well." I giggle. "Did you get caught?" She asks curiously. "Yes, Louis found me. He was really aggressive, he threw a large vase at my head. It didn't end very well because I was unconscious for a while." I say casually.

Mother hums in response. "Are you okay?" I haven't been asked this question in a while but I knew she meant if my head was okay so I willed myself to keep it together. "Yeah it just hurts a little." She nods her head.

...

I put away some of my clothes in the closet of my designated room. It's a big princess themed bedroom. The walls are all light pink and the bedsheets have princesses on them. I never had the intention to change anything about the room because my father designed it for me, his little princess.

A couple minutes later I was all set up. I changed into a cute two piece swimsuit, it's white and simple. I grabbed a book, a pencil and a towel. Then I proceeded to join my mom on the lake deck. She was sat down on a chair reading a book. I didn't bother to bring a chair so instead I put the towel down and laid on my stomach.

I read for a little bit but I got bored so I figured it would be a good time to find the meaning of the hidden message.

'K. E. M. B. N. M. A. G. T. M. S . S. F. M. L. H. D. O. O. I.'

I thought long and hard about the first half and I think I know what it means. 'K' could stand for many words but the most obvious one is 'kill' considering the context. 'E. M' are my mom's initials, Elisabeth Martinez. 'B. N. M.' If I have to make a guess I would say it means 'but not' and I have no idea what the 'M' stand for.