I wish I hated you

25. New Beginning.

Chanel

Heavy breathing is all I can hear. It's been like this for... I don't even know how long. And I'm too tired to open my eyes.

I grumble an incoherent sentence and try to get away from the sound but there's a resistance and I can't seem to move.

Before I can try to move again, I'm yanked back into a hard surface. That's when I snap my eyes open. It's so dark in here. It takes me a few seconds before I'm really aware of my surroundings.

I'm in Louis's bed, in his arms and he's the one breathing loudly.

The irregular pace of his breath and the harshness makes me frown. It's the middle of the night, what's going on with him?

Maybe he's sick and that's why he's breathing that way. Half asleep, I raise a hand up to his forehead and try to see if he has a fever. My hand comes in contact with damp skin and I instantly retract it. He's sweating.

Is it because I'm really close to him and he's hot?

My eyelids feel heavy but I will myself to stay awake until I figure out what's wrong with him.

"Louis," I call out softly. I push on his chest, trying to wake him up. That causes him to pull me impossibly closer, his arms caging me in.

I wiggle my body upwards, to bring my face closer to his so he can hear me better. "Wake up." My tone is desperate as I feel his heart beat way too fast against my chest.

"Come on, Louis, wake up," I whine as I shake his shoulder weakly with one hand.

Sleepiness clouds my vision but I try my best to ignore it.

When I come to the conclusion that I need to try a different technique to wake him up, I bring a hand up to his cheek and rub circles with my thumb. I whisper, "Louis, wake up." If this doesn't wake him up, at least it'll calm him.

Out of no where, Louis sits up abruptly, still holding me to him. I pull my hand away and look up at him, startled.

"What's wrong?" I ask softly. His eyes snap to mine. Because of the way he's breathing, he takes a second before choking out, "nightmare."

I furrow my brows and move to straddle his lap to give him a hug, burying my head into the side of his neck.

"What was it about?" I start playing with his hair since I know he likes it when I do that. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," I add after a moment of silence. He shakes his head and doesn't say anything.

As I continue to run my fingers through his short hair, I can't help but think about the decision I made before going to sleep. I'm choosing my family over him. How am I even going to be able to live with the loneliness? I've become quite comfortable with him and if anything bad happens, he's the person I would go to. But I guess I can't, not after what I'm about to do - leave him.

Leaving Louis behind means avoiding him at school and everywhere, never mentioning him, potentially hurting him - emotionally - and hating him again in order to protect myself.

My stomach turns at the thought and I focus my attention on Louis. He sighs and snakes his arms around me, pulling me really close to him. He buries his head into my neck.