Peace of the Sun

Chapter VI

After a week of only leaving my room to eat once, sometimes twice a day, I finally got up and went to my classes. My modern dance professor seemed genuinely concerned for me. She said I didn't look well. So, that was motivating. Ballet was a shit show. I kind of blocked it out, but I do remember Ivanov calling me a disappointment more than once.

I walked into music theory to see Oliver sitting in his usual spot. As soon as the door slammed shut, his forest green eyes met my brown ones. Our eyes lingered on each other for just a little too long before mine shifted to my feet. I was acting as though the floor was more interesting to me than anything else in the room. I couldn't sit beside him anymore, so I went to sit at the back of the room. As far away from him as possible.

I sat through the lecture, not paying attention to a word my professor was saying. I've been doing nothing but overthinking since my panic attack and it wasn't doing me any good. I couldn't stop thinking about Oliver and his stupid, peaceful disposition, and how that's exactly what I need all the time. The last time I let myself get attached to somebody I ended up heartbroken for far too long. I can't let that happen again.

When I was brought back to reality I was shocked to see the room almost empty. I guess I was zoned out for much longer than I thought I'd been. The only people left in the room with me were my professor, and of course, Oliver Fiore. My professor didn't seem to care, he was busy working at his desk, while Oliver stood at the front of the lecture hall with furrowed brows. Staring at me. His eyes followed me as I stood up and left the room as quickly as possible.

I was racing down the hall hoping to avoid him at all costs when I heard him coming up behind me, calling my name. I pretended not to hear him. I tried to keep running but he grabbed my hand making me come to an abrupt stop, and turn to face him involuntarily. We were both heaving, trying to consume every last bit of oxygen into our lungs. I couldn't look at him but I could feel his gaze burning a hole through my skin. He lifted my chin. I let him but still couldn't look him in the eye.

"Look at me." He whispered. We were closer than I thought we were. Our chests were only inches apart. I could feel the breaths escaping his mouth at a fast pace. I used all of my strength to get myself to look him in the eyes. When I finally did, I was lost. He looked more than concerned for me. His eyes looked sad and melancholic. Like he could feel everything I was feeling at that very moment. All of the pain and anxiety that I was dealing with for so long just vanished. I wasn't standing alone with him in the dark hallway of the school anymore. I was absorbed by the forest green pools of genuine concern that seemed to be looking at every single emotion I have kept hidden for my whole life.

My breathing slowed. I suddenly felt overwhelmed. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. He can't see me cry. Not again. I looked down again, hoping the lack of eye contact would take away the overwhelming amount of emotion that was consuming me.

"Why are you avoiding me?" He spoke again. His voice was gentle and comforting.

"I'm not," I said quietly, but we both knew I was lying.

"You don't have to tell me, I just want to make sure you're alright." Those words struck my heart. I have never felt such a deep connection with a person in such a short amount of time. Every word that came out of his mouth felt like a warm blanket wrapping itself around me on a rainy day. And that terrified me.

"I'm alright," I told him. I was lying. He knew I was lying but didn't push it. He placed his hand on my cheek and lifted my face so our eyes met once again. He rubbed his thumb back and forth on my cheekbone a few times before pulling me into a hug. His strong arms held me tightly around the shoulders while his cheek rested on the top of my head. My face was met with his slightly boney chest, and my arms wrapped around his lower back. I was listening to his heartbeat. Our breathing became in sync. I was comforted by the heat of his body. I wanted to stay there forever. Eventually, he let go and wiped a tear from my cheek that I didn't realize had fallen. I didn't even know how to feel at that time. So I walked away. And he let me.

I always thought that if I ever found someone that made me feel the way Oliver did, I would never want to be away from them. I thought we'd be attached at the hip and they would be the only thing that mattered in the world. I did feel that way with Oliver, but the sensation of needing to be by someone's side all the time is incredibly overwhelming.

I walked through the doorway of my dorm room and was greeted by Kayla sitting anxiously on her bed.

"Oh, thank god," she sighed. "Are you okay?" She rushed over to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Yeah," I replied quietly, hoping she didn't hear the giant lump in my throat when I talked. "Why do you ask?"

She gave me a look that made me think I had eight eyes.

"Elaine." Her tone was flat. As if there was an obvious detail I was missing. "You haven't left this room in a week, and today I got back to see you gone. I was worried." she was staring intently into my eyes.

"I know, you're right." I looked down at my feet. Her intense stare was making me nervous. "I went to my classes today. I'm sorry I should've told you."

"It's okay, I'm not upset. I'm just-" She paused. "I'm so worried about you." She brought her hand up to my shoulder. "Did something happen with Oliver? On your date?" All of a sudden her look of concern shifted to pure anger. "What did that little shit do to you? I'll kill him." She started to bolt out of the room before I stopped her.

"Kayla! Relax." I spoke in a calm fashion, hoping to mellow her out. "It's not about Oliver. I just get like this sometimes. it's nobody's fault." I felt her muscles relax beneath my hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I was caught off guard. Kayla's eyes widened at the taken aback look on my face. "You don't have to if you don't want to," She was panicking and her words were rushing out of her mouth. "I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm here if you ever do want to talk." That meant a lot to me. I sure wasn't ready to dump all of my trauma on her after only knowing her for a week, but nobody has ever listened to me before.

"Thank you," I smiled softly. "That means a lot to me."