𝐔𝐠𝐥𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬 | 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫 (1)

thirteen

It was still dark outside when my alarm woke me up. I cleared away all evidence that indicated that I had slept in my office and looked at the profile I had worked on the night before. To say the least, it was incomplete. Despite the countless letters, I was no closer to finding him than I had been five years ago. I would have to do better and find him —before he found me first.

At six o'clock in the morning, I heard movement in the room next door and figured that Hotch usually came in early to tackle the extra admin that came with being Unit Chief. I got on with the job I was being paid to do so that I was prepared if he came in. I had let the paperwork build over the last couple of days and the list of people that I needed to call loomed over me like a black cloud. The only silver lining was that it meant I didn't have to think about what was currently happening.

I sighed, fighting back a yawn as I dialled the first number on my list, "Hello, Mr Greenwood this is Adeline Reeves speaking on behalf of the BAU, returning your call."

I readied myself to say that same line numerous times.

At six-thirty, Hotch knocked on my door —no doubt having heard my voice through the thin office wall.

"You're here early," he stated matter-of-factly but his eyes were dubious and part of me feared that he saw straight through me.

"So are you," I observed. I tapped the tall stack of files on my desk, "I thought I'd get a head start."

"I'm always here at this time." He shrugged, "It's usually quiet."

...

I joined the team for the briefing because I needed a break from sitting at my desk.  Also, from what I heard, the case at hand was quite intriguing and I urgently wanted something other than the thought of being away from Rosie to occupy my mind. Spencer and I arrived before the others.

"Hey," He smiled shyly, "I've been meaning to ask you how you're doing."

"I'm okay, Spencer, how are you doing?" I asked because, honestly, he looked tired. His bloodshot eyes were surrounded by dark smudges, "When was the last time you slept?"

"I'm alright, everything's a bit complicated with my mom right now but I think she's going to be okay."

"That's so good to hear," I smiled genuinely and reached over to squeeze his hand.

His thumb grazed my knuckles absentmindedly. "I wanted to ask if you'd like to get coffee with me again sometime?"

His eyes lit up when he turned to look at me and he looked so hopeful that it hurt me to say what I did next, "Spencer, I'm not ready for a relationship," I said bluntly, ripping off the band-aid, "It's just with my mother's death, I need to focus on Rosie and make sure she's okay."

I hated using my mother as an excuse but I couldn't exactly tell him the truth, which frustrated me to no end because it went against my nature.

The bottom line was that I did not deserve Spencer. Not because I was a terrible person —which given the fact that I was lying to the whole of the BAU, was a valid factor— but because he deserved to be happy. Even though I had only known Spencer for around a year, I knew he had experienced more than his fair share of pain. He had lost his mother sporadically throughout his childhood to schizophrenia and now he was losing her again in his adulthood, slowly but surely, to dementia. I had also heard from Emily that the only girl he ever really loved had been shot in front of him. Spencer Reid deserved to be happy and I was only trouble.

He smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes, "I understand, Adeline," he squeezed my hand in his and brought it to his lips: an action he had taken to doing every so often.